Disclaimer – My friends you are all great – please don’t take offense, it really has nothing to do with you.
However, I am feeling like I would like to meet someone who was more like me. Someone who is wearing the same kind of shoes I am (maybe a different size so we don’t have to compete). If this person did exist, s/he would be busy feeling the same way. The problem is we both have a great network of interesting, smart, clever, caring friends and family – and yet everyone once in awhile….maybe this is just an element of being human? Yet, once in awhile, I feel like a teenager, in that no one “gets me.” It’s baloney of course, because Tim gets me – but sometimes I don’t always get him. Or at least don’t feel like I do. Besides, that isn’t what I mean. I mean, he’s my husband and if I was on that deserted island I wouldn’t dream of having anyone else there but him – but he isn’t me right now, and I want to meet someone like me who I can talk to.
I can’t even explain myself here. Sorry – maybe I’ll look back on this in 50 years and still feel the same. The antidote to this, it seems to me, is to become a recluse or to not be around the same people I already am and be with other friends who I don’t see all the time to get that variety back. After all, all of your friends are not like the other – and each have that vein of gold that fulfills some need/desire/interest in you. Be it, an interest in science fiction, philosophy, personality, music tastes, ideas, etc.
I am looking forward to this weekend to being with people I haven’t been with in a long time…some of them years. Well, okay the wedding of Carrie A … the last time I saw here was about 4 years ago. There are going to be some high school friends there – people that were friends with me when I had just moved to Menomonie. That’s a strange period in my life. It was right after my Mom went crazy, got out of rehab and then reestablished herself in a new town. Of course I had to go along and reestablish myself too considering I was only 16 and had no where else to go. I hated my Dad at the time and would never have dreamed of living with him. For the first two months I didn’t talk to anyone – and I relished dressing however the hell I wanted too. That was when I really started to get to know myself and figure out the person I wanted to be.
That two months was the end of 10th grade – by 11th grade I had more friends than I knew what to do with. It was thrilling and amazing to me that people wanted to talk to me, thought I was interesting, funny, clever….anyway. I am digressing ….
Hm perhaps what I am trying to put together here is that I need to get out of Dodge and rediscover that the person I want to meet who is just like me --- is me.
5 Comments:
Maybe it is a touch of wanting to find yourself. Sometimes I over romanticize the friends I met when I had my moments of self-discovery which was late for me. My moment of self-discovery came my first year moving to Madison. I met a bunch of people including Laima, who helped me find myself. I miss that support sometimes. I miss the personal growth I guess. The only thing I need to remember is that while they were a catalyst for growth at that time, I was the one who chose to grow. Laima, Amanda, Steph, and Rachael as about the only people I kept in my life from that era because they still provide me with growth. The others fell by the wayside, not by choice. We just stopped calling each other.
Yet, once in awhile, I feel like a teenager, in that no one “gets me.”
I know exactly what you mean. This has been 'hitting me' more often and often lately. ~sighs~
I go through that from time to time. Unfortunatly the times I have met people who were a lot like me I ended up feeling sort of territorial about things or feeling like they are the better version of me...ha! You just can't win!
Laura, I've never met anyone remotely like you as a full package...and I'm super-glad we found each other because you're so unique, thoughtful, lively, and interested in so many things. I just wish I could answer to more of your interests and activities, but I'm usually a pretty sedentary introvert.
-SECP
OMG. Hilary just totally hit it on the head... territorial
I have definitely caught myself doing that (and the 'better version' thinking too) when I meet people who are very similar to me!!!! And you see/feel/hear yourself doing it, but it's sooo hard to stop - it feels like you're trying to change the direction of the moon's orbit or something. Eeeeek.
~L
Post a Comment
<< Home