Tuesday, October 03, 2006

What a beautiful day. I woke up with an awesome dream that I wish had continued...but at least it left me wanting more, I made some coffee, read the the internet...watched all the web episodes of Battlestar Gallactica on Scifi.com, cleaned the bathroom window, went to Walgreen, washed some laundry and hung it up to dry, started a letter to my Mom, and even wrote some emails. Pretty productive eh?

Last night Tim and I took my bike to Trek and the WHOLE parking lot was full. I mean, the whole thing clear over to Cool Beans...why? Because the Princeton Fitness club has that many people. I couldn't believe it. We did manage to find a parking spot, but still. That's a hellva lot of folks going there to work out. Personally? I like my avant garde workout routines.

Although I was really disappointed last night. Because I have had to switch schedules and have the misfortune of attending classes where people ask LOTS of questions (therefore making it look like all of us don't know what we are doing), or have classes with an instructor who simply isn't comfortable about handing out stripes. Two of my colleagues, who got their red belt the same week I did now have four stripes. How many do I have you ask? One. One fucking stripe. AND....one of them took a month off...so....I ask you. Do you see a discrepancy here? Because I sure the hell do. I made sure to say something to the effect of "It's difficult here because Eric doesn't do stripes, and I had to switch my class scedule." She said to bring up that I want to work on certain pages at the start of each class and that she will work on it. But...folks, yeah I hear that...but....I felt so crushed and frustruated afterward. Really fraking disappointed, so much so that I just felt bad for the rest of the night.

I am SO mad, disappointed, angry etc, that I just want to quit. Yeah, I have two more belts to go before the black belt, (red, bodan and then black) but in February it will be three years and three years is about the time it takes to GET a black belt. I have done the equivalent of at least twice a week for the past two and half years and I am only at one stripe red belt...while my ....and it's not that I suck folks. I don't, and I know it. It seems liike they are unwilling to give a stripe to anyone that knows their stuff unless everyone else does too.

Cry me a river, I know. But when you are sick of constantly going, and tired and bored of the classes, and have been doing the same damn thing every week for that length of time and are frusturated already then....well this just isn't helping. I am so tempted to just not go in November, when my prepaid months are up. Just not go in November, focus on going to Monkey bar five days a week or something since I am paid up for that month, and then reconsider in December.

Tim says to decide at the beginning of November what I want to do. Maybe my little talk will have had an effect. Maybe not.

So that was how I was feeling last night, angry and angry that I was angry and couldn't let it go. Tim and I got my spokes fixed and adjusted on my bike in time for mountain trailing this weekend while camping, and we headed over to Home Depot to get a privacy window adhesive for the bathroom, and a mum. I picked out an dark red one...it's so nice sitting in next to the front porch. It was cheaper than a pumpkin...and I feel like I decorated a bit.

We got home and I took out the pizza I had made earlier and put it on the counter while the oven warmed up. We stepped outside for a moment to look at the weather and when we came back in the Foster dog had helped himself to half of the pizza. I yelled at him and chased him to the bedroom because Tim was yelling at me "The kennel is not to be used for punishment!"

We ended up cutting off that 1/3 of the pizza and just cooking the rest. Well, you can imagine just how angry I was 1.5 hours later when I went to the bathroom and emerged to find that foster dog helping himself to leftover pizza up on the counter. I was SO mad that I screamed "oh my god, oh my god" and actually hopped up and down yelling at him. He ran to the bedroom and I threw a sweatshirt after him to help him on his way. I hopped because I was mad ...but also to make more noise. Although I am sure I probably was making more than enough. My throat felt sore afterwards and I decided the best thing to do would to just go to bed. So that is what I did.

Today I went to Walgreens to get a new vhs tape to tape Battlestar on Friday for when we go camping. While I was there I also got:

-taupe hard as nails, nail polish
-mini pink highlighter (clearance)
-king sized caramel crunch bar (coupon)
-king sized chunky bar (coupon)
-rubbing alcohol
-starbuck frappachino
-mike and ikes candy box
-whoppers candy box
-gumdrop candy box
-bag of fruit flavored hard candy
-fire dentyn gum (clearance)
-bendable green pen (clearance)
-light purple with opal highlights fake hair for pluto's My Little Pony costume (30% off)
-Old Spice shaving cream
-pencil sharpener (clearance)
-3M packaging tape (clearance for Hilary)
-variety pack incense (clearance)

Gah. You see how awful that store is to me? And could you tell I was hungry and needed a snack? Ha. Anyway. I find that having a little candy around the house saves me from making batches of cookies, cakes and pies and eating it all.

I should really do some cleaning now. Look, it's 3:34...and my living room is SUPER messy. I'm not even gonna tell you about the kitchen.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

blogger ate my nice shiny brand new comment to you... grumble, grumble, grumble....

~L

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Tuesday morning sounds lovely (turns a little green with envy ;-p

i love your walgreens shopping list. my reaction to that was... yup, she's having a hard day... only later did i realize that you said you were hungry when you went :)

do you know if anyone is attempting to organize anything at all for camping? or is it simply an achievement to get all of us in the same place at the same time?
~L

10:41 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

Hey girl, I can understand why you're frustrated. But I'm thinking that its because you're comparing yourself to others. You are awesome! Don't play that game. That you're feeling like if THEY have more stripes than you, when they started at the same time, that something isn't kosher there? But this is highly individual isn't it?
You're an awesome communicator. Communicate with them and ask WHY? WHAT is the problem?
Skipping class would make a statement. But it would defeat your purpose, wouldn't it? You'd be exactly where you are now, only a little rusty for missing a month. If this is important to you, don't skip. Dedicate. Do your forms, or whatever they're called EVERYDAY. You will master it. If he still doesn't give the stripes, then he's an asshole. Or maybe you KNOW that already??
I love you. I love your blog.

9:10 PM  
Blogger hadjare said...

Aww, thanks for the words of encouragement -- for both the TKD and my blog. ;)

*blush*

2:36 PM  

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