This baby has a good and a bad side. The good side is in the morning and throughout most of the day, but come 10 - 2 ... she's crying, she eats horribly. So figuring she's super hungry because she keeps showing signs of hunger I'll try to finger feed or bottle feed her breastmilk and NOTHING. She won't have anything to do with the bottle, the finger, or the breast without the nipple shield. It's so hard to work with the nipple shield though because she'll break off breast feeding to cough, cry or need to be burped...or for whatever reason and after that first contact is broken the shield won't stick to my breast. After this happens several times -- the nipple shield is practically worthless, the baby is inconsolable and I am frustrated and before you know it an hour has passed and I really need a break. If only to wash the effin' shields.
Putting lanonlin cream on the inside of them works only once, after it gets wet with milk they are even more worthless than when I just use water.
There was a tiny breakthrough, at the 4 feeding. I finally got her to sleep at 1 and slept for three hours only to wake on the couch cold because I soaked through my pajama. So I got up, took off my shirt and was slightly disgusted at the wet sourish smelling bra I was wearing -- but unable to do anything about it yet. I really need more than just three pajama tops for nursing. I go through a shirt or two a day! I heard that you can cut up old t-shirts ... and I am thinking of cutting old turtle necks because it is cold and hey -- I'm not going anywhere... Anyway. I went back. Woke a sleepy baby and proceeded to fight with her. After about 40 minutes and the shield slipped off for the 10th time -- I gave her my naked breast and .... she sucked for about 1-2 minutes before catching on, rejecting it and crying some more.
It's during those times ... that witching hour ... that I don't know how I can do it. How can she do it? I get so worried that she isn't getting enough milk. I mean, I cut down my pumping to twice a day even though I am supposed to do it after every feeding to help get the nipples out and stop being so flat, and when I do I consistently get 3 oz of milk. How can I pump this much milk after she has already nursed at least 20 minutes on each boob?! Maybe she isn't getting enough. Maybe she keeps showing signs of hunger because she IS hungry and I am just a total failure. :(
Why can't babies come with fuel gages?
Tim is doing his best to reassure me. "She isn't Jesus, Laura! How can she keep filling diapers with poop and pee if she isn't getting anything?"
But is she having ENOUGH diapers? I don't know. They say that she should have between 8-10 or 6-7 if you are using disposable. Yesterday she had 7. So I guess, technically yes, she has magically been making diapers.
Then why does she looks so unhappy and worried and frustrated most of the time when she is on the breast?
How did women in the olden days do this? I mean, what if I had Morella two or three hundred years ago, before nipple shields, pumping and bottles...would she have died from starvation?
I keep trying to ask myself -- how long am I willing to do this? And, wouldn't taking a bottle be so much easier? Maybe I could just pump.... but I also hear that the pumping can decrease over time so who knows if that would actually work. Do I want to risk that she'll get sicker more often and be more fussy with formula even though it's easier but also much much more expensive?
Maybe I should think it in the perspective of savings. I should figure out much formula costs and then each day that we successfully finish the day without using it (now day 5) I can add up the savings and pretend that Morella and I will use that dough for some really good treat. I could sure use a massage because my back is killing me with all this consoling and nursing.
I wish I was at that stage of nursing when I could just whip out a boob and feed her anywhere without a pile of pillows, water, shields, and a husband to help burp her -- because I also apparently suck at that.
Have you heard enough about this yet? It's not like there is anything else on my mind right now.
I have another appointment with the lactation consultant tomorrow at 1. Morella can't eat after 9.30 .... I want to make sure she is good and hungry and I am full of milk so I can really see if she getting enough milk at each feeding. You see, what they do is weigh her when we get in, and then weight her after feeding attempts to see how many ounces she is getting. Trust me, this is nerve wracking and Morella was a completely uncooperative sleepy baby last time.
I hear the baby stirring, I should probably hang up my whine rag and see if there is anything I can do for her.
posted by hadjare @ 10:35 AM
3 Comments:
Women in the olden days might have wet nurses. They might use cups, bladders, skins, or early bottles to feed the baby animal milk or other liquids thought to be nutritive. My dad thrived on cow milk mixed with Karo syrup (not that those were olden times; just giving an example). Current wisdom is that cow milk has way too much sodium for a baby's system, but plenty of infants survived on it. Goat milk is still prescribed sometimes if breastfeeding's not working and formula's unacceptable for allergenic reasons.
Love finds a way!
-SECP
As I recall, the icky, wet, sticky, sore nipple--crabby, cranky baby phase of breastfeeding lasts for about a month. The first two days were hell because the milk hadn't come in, and the baby cried all night. Then the aforementioned phase kicks in. I also remember feeling like I was feeding the baby ALL THE TIME. All I did was feed the baby, every few minutes, feed the baby. After the first month everything settled down and I didn't feel so tortured. Hang in there.
I didn't use bottles / formula because (1) formula was too expensive, (2) sterilizing the bottles was just too much to think about, and (3) hauling around coolers of milk at a safe holding temperature was just too much to think about, let alone do. I also totally enjoyed the added bonus of the baby benefiting from my immune system and not getting sick.
First of all, you are absolutely not a failure. This is your first baby and you have done this for only a few days. You and Morella need to both learn how things go. Already it's better than when you first started this adventure. You didn't learn to walk in a day, don't expect to run now right off the bat. That being said...
While I don't know much about breast feeding, I gave it up after a couple weeks myself, I do know a lot about colic. I'm absolutely not saying Morella is colicy, but when you mentioned "the witching hour" I thought I would give you a heads up. Colic usually happens at the same time every day. Some doctors believe it's indigestion, some say its psychological almost like, a mood swing. I tend to believe it was the latter. After all, this little baby is taken out of a place she was created in, was always warm and never uncomfortable or in need of anything. Now she feels hunger, cold, heat, gas, wetness and presumably, sadness as well. She is setting aside time to let out all the emotions she is experiencing the only way she knows how, by crying. I would observe her a little during this time. Listen to her cry, does she make a sucky face with a "neh" sound when she cries,(the hunger cry) or is it more of an open mouth yell? (boredom, frustration, general fussing) Does she draw up her knees tight to her belly? That could mean she hurts or has gas. If it just seems to be yelling, she may just need to let off her steam. It is perfectly healthy to let her cry for a while. She needs it, it makes her strong. 5 or 10 minutes of holler time, then no pressure no breast, just snuggle time might help a bit, A little walk and dance and hum with her head next to your chest. I know you said you don't sing, but even a monotone montra is soothing to her, and with her head on your chest, the sound is much like your voice when she was inside you. She can hear your heart beat and your breathing. Its familiar.
You might want to try just letting her sleep when she sleeps, instead of waking her for a feeding. Pump if you need to, but let her let you know when she needs you. You need the peace and she needs the sleep right now. She will be okay, your giving her what she needs. Don't count those diapers so hard and relax. Your doing a wonderful job and your learning. She isn't in danger if she only soils 5 diapers a day, or skips a poop day. It's okay, she is okay and she will let you know if she needs more.
Lastly, I did formula feed, and while popular belief is that makes the babies sick and more fussy, but it's not true. You need to burp every 2 ounces (a lot of parents don't do that which adds formula to a gas bubble, making the baby spit up everything that came in over the top of the air come back out), but unless you overfeed, give a cold bottle, or don't burp often, you don't have any more problems than bf. The only plus (and minus I guess) that bf provides is the fact that food comes slower from the breast, thereby keeping that air and over feeding to a minimum.However, if you put in the extra burp effort in, it's just fine. As far as immunities and what not, you gave her the colostrum and are feeding what you can now. That's what mine got, and they are absolutely not unhealthy children.
You said she dislikes the bottle. What bottle are you using? I heard you got one of those doctor-what-ya-ma-call-its, is that the one? With the vent thing that goes through the middle of the bottle? Shan uses them with Adam and I just hate them. (another story completely)
I used, and completely stand by, Playtex nursers. The nipples are the most like a real breast, kind of like the niple shield looking, you get liners to go inside so you can have a clean bottle every bottle if you want. I would reuse a liner for the whole day, depending on how frugel I was, I sometimes would wash my liner (you can do this with the drop ins easier than the cheaper standard liner) and use it a couple of days. Your pushing a leak if you streatch them more than 2 days. You can burp all the air out to cut down on air swallowage...much like the real deal like that...awesome awesome product. I also was not a bottle sterilizer, I never worried about temperature control. If I needed to go out, I made a bottle and stuck it in the bag. Formula is not so unstable that you need a separate environment for it.
Finally, yes. Formula is expensive. See if you can get WIC. If not, wal mart makes a knock off of Simulac that is half the price of Simulac, but exactly the same. Otherwise, I used Simulac and it was about $10.00 - $15.00 a can and that would last a week to a week and a half.
I never say anything until I have a shit load to say. Sorry. I'm trying to help :)pay attention to the cry time. If it becomes a problem you can always call. Sometimes, it helps just to talk to someone about it. I spent a lot of time on the phone when Yaya went through it.
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