My record is broken. I have ruled this empire for so long. There have been a few battles and skirmishs -- all of which I defeated within the day. But now....the castle has fallen. The fort has been torched. Refugees are fleeing the capital in droves, seeking refuge in the soft whitness of toilet paper and kleenex. No amount of foreign aid has helped, even though they promised relief...it hasn't been delivered.

Eh. Crap. Pluto has to go out. He hasn't gone pee all day. He's being a pain in the ass.