Thanks for the suggestions Rachel. The back rash is definitely acting different than the front one. I decided that the itching was worth taking a wal-dryl and risking a drop in milk supply (though kellymom says it's safe and shouldn't be a problem). I also made sure to drink some extra water.

I went to a Halloween party thrown by the Eastside Mom's club and it was chaos! Imagine 25+ kids under the age of 5 and their mothers and .. well maybe you can picture it. Lots of screaming, crying, yelling, shrieking, laughing etc. Morella did okay at first but then got overwhelmed when they started whacking the pinata. Ha ha. I think she had fun and I was super glad to go home to enjoy a quiet afternoon to myself while they napped. Except, Morella decided she didn't need a nap and Athena didn't go down until around 2:30. Ugh. So much for quiet time to myself. :P

I was really proud of myself for going to that party too because I filled the car with gas, and then drove to an unfamiliar place following directions given to me by Tim over the cell phone because stupid google just kept printing the interstate version of directions instead of the backroad version. I don't like going on the interstate for around town type things (even if it's the next town over). I prefer to keep the interstate for bigger road trips. I had to pull over twice to confer with Tim about directions, but eventually I found it. Getting home was no big deal - I am really good at remembering how to get back. So yeah ... *pats self on back* I am one step closer to the ultimate freedom. Ha. No really, I'm serious. It's conquering fear. Two years ago I never would have dreamed of making that drive by myself with two kids in the car, much less put gas in it.

I got another package in the mail from Carrie for Morella. She opened it up to reveal a super cute cat. She loves cats and immediately hugged it and carried it around for awhile. We watched some YoGabba while I made some phone calls to potential Mother's Helpers. I really need to take my ad down now. In less than 24 hours, I have more than enough qualified applicants. I have set up two interviews -- one for Saturday and one for next Tuesday. I hope that is all I need. I wish I could hire them all -- well the qualified ones anyway. Posting on the local university job board was definitely the way to go. :D

For November I am not going to do NaNoWriMo. I think attempting that three years in a row is plenty enough - after all I never accomplished the goal anyway. The closest I got was 33K words the first year. No this year I am going to do NaBloPoMo -National Blog Posting Month. Basically -- you post every day.

Aww geez. It's after 12. I gotta go to bed. I did enjoy reading this article about Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis Khan.

Lastly, here is a picture of Morella and her new furry feline friend.

Thank you for the concern folks. I am 100% positive that the rash on the front breast is ring worm. I am only 75% sure the one on the back is. I am happy to report that the iodine is working great. Dried it out, it stopped itching and then yes, after I took a shower and reapplied iodine I covered it with nail polish. It's really just like putting liquid bandage on it (which by the way is another route suggested). I bought the black light before I saw your offer Laima -- nuts. I was able to get sort of a good look at the back and from what I could see the inner part glowed green. But if you look at the photo too you can see the discolored skin in the middle of the ring (which in this case looks more like an oval). Anyway. I can't hit it with idoine very well. In fact it is itchy now.

A fun fact. I took the black light to exam the bra I had been prior to the shower. I had considered putting it back on since I had only put it on this morning and then decided against it. I was glad I didn't when I looked at where the iodine had come off on one of the leisoins that was definitely bothering me this morning (all the rest were okay!). And where it was matched up with a green fuzz mold showing on the bra under the black light. Eww! I sprayed it with lysol before chucking it down the chute to be washed.

There. The iching was getting unbearable so I had Tim apply a bunch of iodine on my back. Athena is at my side fussing. Why won't this baby go to sleep! She is doing that really cute thing when she sticks her legs straight up in the air though. I remember when Morella did it. I will be nice when she wear that same sleep sack.

---Later ---

Oh my god. Once the itching started it's all consuming. I am now icing my back instead of fighting the urge to rip it to shreds. Morella just cried about 10 minutes ago and I went in there and resettled her. I tucked her in and sat there for a few minutes before leaving. It's almost 10:30 and I feel like I should be getting ready for bed. It's just that there are so few hours in the day.

The hunt for a Mother's Helper continues. I put an ad in craigslist and the local university and got some great replies. With the exception of the few that don't speak much english -- I feel like they would all probably work out fine (even the ones who don't speak much english). I mean, I will be here. It's not that hard to follow simple instructions and play with an almost two year old right? Or hold a baby for a second while I do something else. It's just how do I interview them? I decided that meeting them at the local library would be okay. Give Morella things to play with in a public environment where there is no awkwardness over who buys who what drink. I'll admit I don't have a huge supply of questions. I feel more like going on a vibe and whether not we get a long, then check references. I guess you could say it's how I interviewed people when I had my other jobs.

You know, I need the assistant now to find the assistant.

Morella's nap time has changed. She now goes down between 1-2 and sleeps until around 4. I am sort of hoping that with daylight savings time she'll go back to a 12-3 and then bedtime of 7:00 We'll see.

I am working on making the basement bar room into a play land cozy place in preparation for winter. I want a special place I can take Morella so that she can play with different toys and have more room to run around. I kind of want to surprise her with it on her birthday. I am borrowing my friends awesome kitchen set and have been getting other kitcheny type supplies. I have some rugs that can go down there to help cozify it, along with a papsan that is down there, a straight back easy chair, a high back chair with arms, and a coffee table ... I guess I have some furniture options is what I am saying. Also bring down lots of blankets and it's going to be so nice. I'm really excited to see how it's all going to turn out. I should take some before pictures! Yeah!

Lastly, I bought a super ugly sweater that kind of looks like a blazer made out of a terry cloth robe. The pockets are perfect, the buttons are great -- oh I love it and I can see I am going to be living in this winter. Last year I lived in a .. wait what did I wear? I don't remember. No wait, I do I wore a lot of fleece. We had gone to Saver's so that Tim could buy some blazers for his upcoming trip next week. I also got some photo albums.

Oh today was an awesome mail day! I got three separate packages from my old high school buddy Carrie. It was so fun to open each package to find what was inside -- a cool set of stacking cups, an awesome girlie skull pair of babylegs, and a neat bendy rattle that I can't wait for Athena to check out now that she is getting into toys. I also got two packages of cloth diapers from tinytush. When the original order came I was so excited to get started using them since Athena had outgrown the small ones that I washed three times right away. When I was ready to use them I noticed that they seemed a bit flimsy. Definitely thinner than the ones I had already. I chalked it up to differences in where I got them. Well a couple hours later I was about to throw away the packaging and looked at the instructions wondering if I should save them for the Helper. That is when I noticed that the package was marked "regular". I quickly double checked with the invoice and I had indeed ordered "premium."

Suck! I had washed them! Tim encouraged me to email Tinytush.com and I did. I asked if I could send them back for the premiums and she said sure. I thought more about it and decided it wouldn't be worth the postage to send it back for both of us and I asked if I could just buy two premium packages at the regular rate. The next day I got an email saying a package was sent. I was a little disappointed about it until I got an email saying that if I could find a use for the diapers to just keep them. Woo hoo!! They are perfect right now for Athena --they won't be perfect for more than another month or so, but sure helps the diapers stretch. Plus, I can use them for diaper changing pads.

I gotta stop this babble.

One last thing. I got a blog fan mail today! Thanks Anna! It really made my day. :D

It's war.

I think it is fair to say that I have been treating this ringworm for four weeks now. Before I knew it was ring worm I was putting nystatin on it, and grapeseed extract, tea tree oil, cleaning it with vinegar, cloromotrizal and then I used the tolnaftate. I even started using a combination of the nystatin and tolnaftate along with a bit of hydrocorotisone (to stop the itchy), and nothing seems to be working. Tim keeps saying "It's only been a week." No in fact, it's been almost two weeks, and it doesn't seem to be going in away, in fact the rash is expanding. It seemed like it was getting better a couple days ago but then ... it came back with a vengenance. For the record, I did not slack on attacking it either.

It's time for some serious home remedies. I did some research and found several home remedies that I am willing to try before I hit the last stage of desperation, which is using bleach (diluted at least). Tim is very opposed to the bleach treatment -- though it is highly recommended among boxers and wrestlers who don't have time to deal with constant cream applications. Tim however, is not dealing with a painful case of ringworm now is he?

Tonight I made a paste of sea salt and cider vinegar and applied it to both rashes. Oh yeah, I forgo to mention this nasty fungus moved to a spot on my back. I left it for 30 minutes and then soaked the front breast patch in cider vinegar for about 15 minutes. Then I washed it with water (after all I do have to nurse and didn't want Athena to taste any vinegar that might have sloshed down) and dried the area with a blowdryer. At first I had the setting on hot with a low blow.

Oh. My. Goodness. As soon as that heat hit the rash I swooned in ecstasy. It felt so unbelievably good. It was like some kind of drug and I just sort of waved the heat back and forth, closer and closer until I realized "Crap! The heat is going to make it blister and pop and make it all contagious again. Something this good feeling is super bad, I just know it." It was like the best scratching session ever...all done by heat. Once I cut myself from that I applied iodine and then blow dried it with a cool setting (all the fun was gone then).

I have to admit, it's the best it has felt all week. Except for my back. That section didn't get iodine. I am going to have Tim apply it. I am trying the less drastic solutions first before moving up. Here they are:

• Cider Vinegar
• Sea salt
• Bleach straight up and/or diluted
• Clear nail polish
• Vinegar and a penny (soak penny in vinegar and then rub on lesions, or tape penny over the lesion)
  
• Grapeseed extract
• Tea tree oil
• Antifungal cream (all that stuff I've been trying)
• Mudmask
• 1 Sheet of white notebook paper, burn it, blow ashes off and use remaining residue as salve
  
• Juice from a figleaf
• Mashed garlic paste
• Green walnuts - cut open and smear juice on lesions
• Wasabi paste
• Tiger balm
• Gentian violet (First thing I tried and it failed)
  

So there we have it. I have several more remedies I can try. I think I might try the burnt piece of paper for my back. I also need to buy that kind of bleach that you can use on colored clothing to wash the infected articles of clothing I have. I sort of wish I had black light so I could see what else was or is infected on me. I wonder how much a black light costs...

In other news, I went to the grand opening of the new Hy-Vee store here on Madison's east side. The place was packed. It was a total zoo. I couldn't believe how busy it was - don't people in this city have to work? Morella and I had a ton of samples as Athena slept. I got a few things -- namely butter for only 97 cents and diet pepsi for 1.97. My biggest complaint was that they didn't have anything for children to drink. Milk in jugs -- but no juice boxes. Since Morella can't drink milk I had no choice but to buy her a smoothie from the Caribou coffee shop. Their small smoothie is $4 and huge! It was a mistake to give that to her in the car because she dropped it and it spilled all over ... oh crap I forgot to go back and clean that up. Nutz. Anyway. It was a disaster. I talked to someone about it and left a complaint in a comment box regarding their lack of drink options for children.

Is it sad that I was looking forward to the grand opening of a grocery store and that it was the high light of my day? :P

Okay. Time to burn some paper so Tim can apply it before bed.

Upon returning home yesterday while Morella and I were scooping the guts out of a pumpkin (well really she was just stirring the seeds in a bowl with a spoon and then putting some back into the pumpkin) he said quite breathlessly "I have an idea!"

I sort of scowled at him, because he had come home later than I thought he would and all of us have a case of the sniffles. Nonplussed, he continued on "No really. It's a great idea. I actually got it from Oliver. We should get a nanny. Someone to come in for a few hours a week to help out."

Immediately I bristled. A nanny? For what? Are you saying I can't handle two kids? Sure it's a little rough around the edges right now, but that is only a phase. A short phase.

"You think I need help?" I replied.

"Well you need more help than I can provide. It's a great idea Laura and I could even make some extra money on the side to help pay for it. I could do technical writing."

Inwardly I think, 'Right, and the nanny would cover the time it takes for you to do that writing?'

But moreso, I was quiet. I was playing the idea over in my head. Why did I hate the idea so much at first. I told him "It's phase, it will get better. People who get nannies do so because they have a job. I don't have a job. It's not like I am writing a novel."

He replied "No, but you need some personal, private time to do whatever you want. You are right now, essentially doing this all by yourself."

"But billions of women in the world did this without a nanny," I stated, and threw yellow organic matter on the table.

"But many of those billions had help from extended family. It's not like it used to be. You don't have extended family close by to help."

True. I don't.

So. It's playing in my head. I don't need a nanny, but you know a few hours a week to have private, me time would be ... extraordinary. The more I thought about it, the more I started to get excited about the possibilities. I wouldn't squander the time doing chores. Let's say it was even four hours a week. One afternoon. I would use the time to craft, or pursue personal interests. Heck, why not start writing that book?

I am still completely unsure of how to do this. Essentially it's a babysitter, but I wouldn't mind someone who is a little more than that. I would prefer to stick around instead of getting exiled, and I would need to be available to nurse Athena when she needs it. Overall I guess what I would like is a Mother's Helper.

What is a Mother's Helper and how does the role differ than that of a babysitter or in-home provider?

Answer: A Mother's Helper essentially helps out a stay-at-home parent or a family needing extra help while they are home. A Mother's Helper mostly works under some supervision to handle all aspects of child care, errands, easy meal preparation and light house work. Because of the varied duties and because an adult is often in the home as well, the role is different than that of a babysitter, nanny or in-home provider.

Day-to-day duties may vary with a Mother's Helper, as the more accurate job description will be do "perform duties as per the family's needs." This job is very flexible, may be either part-time or full-time, live in or live out, may include babysitting on occasion (when the helper is in sole charge), and may be an hourly or salaried position.

Typically, the role of a Mother's Helper is held by young women who may aspire to move into other child care positions in the future. A growing use of a Mother's Helper is for parents who telecommute (work from home), home-school children, or have a home-based business. While a Mother's Helper usually has babysitting experience, no qualifications are required to perform the job. CPR and first aid training are recommended.

This being Madison, I don't know how many young women would be interested. It more often than naught seem to be older women who have had children and just want a steady gig and brings in a little extra money.

While the "Pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps" and "I-can-do-it-all" American supermom in me wants to say I don't need help, it would be really, really nice. I would probably be happier, Tim would be happier, our marriage might be better since I wouldn't be taking all my frustration out on him and ... yeah. Who knows, but even just thinking about it give me a thrill. I never thought I would be excited about a few hours of non-guilt free time.

Now. Why do I still feel so wobbly on the idea? I mean I love the idea and would fully encourage any other Mom in the same situation as I am in, to go ahead with it. And yet, I guess it all boils down to me feeling like I am somehow a failure for accepting a little extra help.

The next part is, how to find said person.

It is always amazing what a good nights sleep can do to your perception and gas tank. Athena slept well too -- as did I. I woke up lopsided though and the left side was so full she couldn't latch on until a couple ounces were drained off. Yikes! I had thought she had slept through the night, but Tim reminded me that she started the night off in the cosleeper.

We walked to the grocery store on Tuesday and Morella found a freshly raked pile of leaves she just had to jump in. Her first jump in leaves...aww. I would prefer that she jump in the crapload of leaves we have in our back yard. Free of dog pee.

From Wednesday's Perfect Fall Day. Too bad Athena's eyes are shuttered in this pic. There is only so much you can see on your cell phone camera and keeping them both still for the moment.

Thin. I feel spread too thin this week. My back, shoulders and neck ache. I feel dazed and my face feels slightly stiff, as if from tension. I haven't had much time to myself. True time to myself. Not just time to do household chores or what not. Athena has been quite fussy the last three days. She wants to held a lot of the time, won't sleep longer than 30 minutes, spitting up, drooling, etc. Obviously one unhappy little girl which leaves on very tired Mom. Especially since Morella is still a little kid who needs my help alot of the time.

Lots of diaper changes. Oh Athena outgrew her size small prowraps and I think diapers. I didn't want to believe it, but it's become increasingly obvious to me this week. She was 12.8 pounds at her two month which was two weeks ago. I am certain she is close to or at 14 pounds now, which is a far as the weight limit for the small prowraps went. Morella was wearing the small set of cloth diapers until month five, so having to move out of these so soon is kind of disheartening. I was hoping that by the time she needed the next size up that Morella would be potty trained. Since Morella is clearly no where near being potty trained (despite using the potty again all by herself, on her own accord after a traumatic bath time tonight with success) I had to give in and buy some more large prefolds. I had 24, and bought an extra 12 -- oh and I have six contoured diapers, and one all in one. I think that 43 diapers will be plenty for both Morella and Athena so that I can still wash diapers every three or four days instead of every day. I also got a new kind of wrap - tinytush.com -- the tiny tush small because it's size is from 14lbs to 20, and some four larges in case she moves into a larger size before Morella. Ugh. This cloth diapering business can sure get confusing. I had to think about this for a couple of weeks before deciding what to do. A big part of me wanted to just diaper Morella in paper diapers because it's so much easier. Clothes fit better, I can go longer between diaper changes. She doesn't get a chaffing rash on her leg from being active after it's gotten wet and sagged down. But then I feel so bad about throwing those diapers into the trash.

To be honest that is one reason I switched to cloth right away with Athena, aside from cloth containing Athena's poopsplosions better, is that I felt terrible taking a full grocery bag of diapers out to the garbage every other day. We had given ourselves a bit of a holiday to use paper diapers for a few weeks after Athena was born with her and sort of will Morella. Every time I threw it away I imagined it going into the landfill and staying there for Athena and Morella's great grandchildren to deal with. Oh yes, we still use paper at night and for long trips out, but it isn't nearly as much as it was doing it completely. I actually feel a lot of guilt about throwing any garbage away and not recycling everything. I will save a receipt, or the cardboard tags from clothes and specifically recycle them because they are paper.

Anyway. Athena has been giving me a hard time these last three days. It's too early to be teething. She is a teeny bit congested so maybe she is fighting off some bug? Or maybe it's a developmental growth spurt? She has been talking a lot more and trying to grab at things and just this week discovered how awesome her mobile is and talks to it, and toys next to/above her changing station.

My ringworm is much improved. Gah I wish I had known what it was sooner instead of suffering with it for three weeks. Speaking of which, I need to go and cleanse and reapply soon because it's getting itchy.

The new computer arrived today along with my box full of diaper stuff. Tim has to set it all up, but I'll be glad to have the desktop back. This time sharing the laptop blows. Plus it's hard to use the laptop during the day. It's much easier to use the desktop because it's in the office and there is more to do in the office than my bedroom and Morella doesn't mess with it as much.

Yesterday, I took Morella and Athena to get some pumpkins off a trailer. It was so incredibly nice out. Warm gentle wind, overcast but not gloomy - enough to really enhance the fall colors. It was like they all decided at the same time to really ripen and display their phoenix feathers. I dallied at the trailer as long as I could after picking out our pumpkins and gourds before deciding, spur of the moment, to go to the zoo. I figured it wouldn't be that busy because it was a school day, and because the morning weather had been rainy and dank. I was right! It was absolutely perfect. Just perfect. Morella had a great time, I carried Athena who thankfully slept the entire time in the Ergo and we explored the zoo. I let Morella ride the carousel and dealt with the following tears when she wanted more. It was the first time she asked to do it more than once. Of course, I want to let her ride as much as possible, especially since it's only a dollar, but doing so would ruin it, right? Keep it fresh and special. She choose the tiger to ride. The "rawr."

After the zoo, we went to the park to let her play a big while I nursed Athena in the Ergo (wow, that was cool and so discreet, and it let me follow Morella around the playground) before my back wanted to give out and I needed a freaking break to sit down and just relax. I ended up falling asleep at 9 after getting Athena to sleep. I had wanted to do a bunch of other things and revel and free time but that didn't happen. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. But sometimes I guess you just have to sleep. I know that is the best, but I would have preferred to make that decision instead of having sleep make it for me. At least I got to watch an episode of Bones while rocking her.

Tim is getting ready to go a conference the first week of November. Between getting ready for that at work, getting excited about it with his online community of friends, and our computer crashing and burning -- there hasn't been a lot of time where he is actually 'here and engaged' with me after Morella goes to bed. I'll admit it's been a little lonely and frustrating, especially after a week of being sick and then this week where Athena has been so fussy. Sure I am excited about his wonderful opportunity and blah blah blah. But you, it also just makes me feel a little trapped and overburdened. I can't just leave Athena to go out for while because she won't take a bottle and is only now starting to settle into going to bed between 8:30 and 9:30. So if I did go out, and she woke, I would have to be fairly close to be able to come home. And you know, what am I going to do going out that late? It's not like staying out late is a fun option because I would still have to wake up to feed her at 2 and then 4 or 5 in the morning, and then get up for real for the both of them at 7:30.

I am still incredible grateful for this dilemma. I love these two little girls fiercely and even when they drive me nuts I marvel at how adorable or wonderful they are. I know this time will pass and it's really short lived in the overall span of things. Oh and add my daily calls to my Mom (who I do believe is now terminally ill) then I just feel spread to thin. I wish I could take a week off to go to Seattle and be around new people, stay in a hotel I don't have to clean, eat food I didn't have to cook or get, and have interesting conversations with people who are actually interested in me an what I have to say.

I think I am also overly anxious about this trip because of the girls. I just couldn't imagine doing it by myself. Staying at his parents for extra help wasn't an option because of the animals. So the only other idea I had was to ask my old middle school friend Jess to come and help me. She lives up North in the sticks with her four kids and rarely ever goes out or has a vacation. I know. Helping me isn't probably the most glamorous vacations you could think of, but it's not that I need heavy manual labor. I just need an extra pair of arms to help get breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table or distract Morella while I feed Athena. That sort of thing. It will be nice to have the company of another Mom to talk to who won't get sick of talking about babies or the other daily housewife type things that come up. To mix it up, she is going to be bringing her 18 1/2 month old little girl with her. But you know, Jessie is used to way more chaos than I am too -- so it should balance itself out.

Well, my laptop battery is almost dead. My contacts are drying out and it's 10:40. I need to go to bed so that I can get through tomorrow. Just one day at a time right?

I used all of my free time this evening not doing chores. I didn't put the laundry away. I didn't clean up. I didn't wash dishes. I didn't call my Dad back. I didn't watch a Bones episode. I probably should have talked with Tim (I still can). Instead I putzed around on the computer again, and worked on figuring out GIMP (a image editing program) and going through recent photos on my camera. Now before the laptop battery gives out, I give you photos.

Migo. The cat who loves babies and small children, but will run and hide when new people are in the house. Wait, I mean she only loves babies and small children if they live here. ;)

Morella holding a kitten for the first time. She loved it and was very good and gentle.
Tim and Morella ride the barrels, here is an action shot of them returning from their jaunt into the field. Clearly you can see that Morella was having fun while Tim was holding on for dear life. No really. He was probably wondering how he was going to get out of the barrel.

Spooky ghosts! This was the best photo I could do. Morella was manic and wouldn't stay still or keep her mouth shut from screeching (with joy) -- which just doesn't translate that well into still photos. It looks like she is crying. I am also quite proud to say this was my first matching outfit that I got for both of them. You can bet your best bananas that there is going to be plenty more where that came from.

Of course, any proximity that Morella gets to Athena devolves into Morella wanting to lay on Athena. I guess it's the ultimate hug for animals (our friends deaf bulldog Zilla) and babies.

Fresh up from a nap. Look at that hair! I'm also really glad that I bought the XL sleep sack for her. It is now my secret weapon to make her take a nap in the afternoon. Ever since we converted her crib to a toddler bed she finds that her toys are just too irresistible to play with when she should be taking a nap. With the sack on she can't really move around that much.

And then here we have a few photos of Athena at 10 Weeks.

Oh man, if ever I needed convincing that Athena has a diary intolerance then today was it. No really, I knew it. If I eat dairy then I can expect about two days of hell. Well I really wanted to try this baked apple french toast recipe. The recipe called for three cups of milk and I hemmed about it for a while before thinking "Well, I'll use lactose free and it will be cooked. Maybe that will make a difference."

I am ashamed to admit I also thought "And I can deal with a little fussing ..."

Except it never is a little fussing, and she was clearly miserable all afternoon and evening today. Lactose free and cooked doesn't help at all. I can get away with cheese in moderation, but definitely not milk, cream, yogurt, ice cream, etc. Even Tim said "How much dairy did you have? I didn't think it was that much." It's nice to know that he didn't really blame me for making her so miserable.

So yeah. Definitely no more diary. I sort of wish I had done that with Morella. I bet it would have helped her reflux. Not that I eat a lot of diary in general but maybe she was even more sensitive to it and it included cheese. . I am just thankful that this time around I had a clue as to what causes Athena's colic like symptoms because of our experience with Morella's reflux stopping when we switched to soy.

I can do something about it and bring back my calm, sweet baby that doesn't involve prevacid or randitine (which never worked that great if you ask me).

Tim also bought me medicine to treat the ringworm rash on my left breast. Oh I hate it -- it itches so much. I can't imagine what it would be like to have the jock's itch version of it, or the athletes foot. I can't wait for it to start feeling better and go away.

How did I end up with two kids who are so intolerant to milk proteins? I wonder how long I have to avoid diary before Athena outgrows it... the full course of nursing? Or our half a year or ... I guess we'll see. You know, I'm not a big fan of ice cream anyway, but I really am going to miss cereal. Having cold cereal with soymilk just plain sucks. The same goes for rice milk -- double yuck.

Anyway. We had a really good day. We went to Schuster's playtime farm today with Morella and Athena. I wore Athena in the Ergo and after some initial fussing because of the wind, I was able to get her back to sleep and guard her from the wind with that little flap attachment thing that comes with it to support their head. It's awesome. Morella had so much fun at the farm. The two highlights were definitely holding a kitten for the first time, and riding the barrels ride. The barrel ride is a bunch of barrels on their side, top cut open and ... well you'll see pictures later. The funny thing about it all to me, is that we didn't buy a pumpkin. We were there for the extra's. I finally got my caramel apple though .. I've been searching to get one for years at a orchard/pumpkin place. It was delicious and had nuts on it.

So Morella feel asleep for on the way home almost instantly. Too bad it was a relatively short ride home because she thought it was enough of a nap that she didn't need more. After her having quiet time for an hour and half, she went and ran errands with Tim, and then played outside. By the time dinner was here she was punch drunk. We sent her to bed an hour early. Oh what a sweet heart...meanwhile I was doing everything in my power to help Athena stop crying.

Lastly before I go to bed. Our main computer bite the dust. We are in the process of buying a new one ... but you know that sucks. Thank god we have the laptop. I don't know what I would do without it during the day. I would probably feel like an isolated housewife that is going nuts by small children for company all day. If this were precomputer days I would probably use the telephone a lot more than I do now.

Overall, we had a great weekend. OH i also bought a new pair of pants and a belt. I used the belt today and it sure did help with the falling down pants syndrome. I am looking forward to applying this belt technology to other pants to see what kind of a result I get.

Okay I have to go to bed, it's late and I am getting hungry again. Also I think the extra sleepy time tea is kicking my butt.

Oh man look at the time. It's almost 11:30 and what did I do with my evening? I put Athena to sleep three times, I played some vids with Tim and I caught up with my internet haunts. I just don't have as much time as I used to adequately reply to other blog posts and really comment well. Though I do read a bunch through out the day and craft responses in my head, as well as blog posts. Those of you who blog know exactly what I mean.

Tonight I realized that the rash I have on my left breast is probably ringworm. The rash has one big circle and some forming around it. I remember reading about rashes in kids this past year and one of the rash types they talked about was ring worm and how it's not a worm but a fungus. I went and looked up pictures and a decription and sure enough ... ringworm. Blah. Is this worse than thrush? I am not sure since they are so similar in treatment. It also says it takes four weeks to clear up ... ugh. I just need this to go away and then I can really focus on how awesome nursing is.

I mean it. I almost can't believe I have been nursing for 10 weeks. It is so easy. I don't have to spend all that time worrying about making time for pumping, carrying that crap around with me, washing parts, freezing and storing milk and obsessing about my supply. I just have to remember to drink a lot of water, take the prenatal and try to avoid dairy (like milk, cream, ice cream, yogurt etc). I do still have some dairy if it's cooked and have been keeping to lactose free stuff. I don't know if that makes a difference...I do know that when I avoid dairy that Athena doesn't cry much and seems to be a happy baby. I am just amazed at how easy it is for us to start and stop nursing. She latches on without my help (well maybe a little direction here and there). I am even starting to get the cradle nursing thing down without having to use a pillow. Though using a pillow makes thing so much easier, I can't use a pillow when I am on the go, hence the cradle position. Maybe she just needed to be bigger. By far my favorite nursing position is laying down. I think Athena prefers it too. She's also getting better and handling the letdowns and getting started without choking all the time. Oh sure there are still plenty of times that milk goes down the wrong tube, but they are getting to be less frequent. I really did only have sore nipples about that first week and then it was easy...until the thrush came in, and now the ring worm. It's just that the rash is on the top where the nursing bra makes contact with the skin which irritates it and probably has been reinfecting the area over and over.

I am so glad that it's going well. In fact, this whole nursing business is going better than I ever could have imagined and I love every minute of it.

Oh man, yesterday Morella made me so proud. I had been wondering when she would try it, or if she ever would. She clearly knows that me nursing Athean is feeding her and she calls the whole act of it "nom nom." Well yesterday she sat down in her little, blue chair and held a teddy bear. Then she looked at me and then down to lift up her shirt with one hand and nurse the bear with the other. I could barely contain myself! She nursed the bear for a good minute or two before...get this .... burping it! Then she nursed it again. What a great Mom she'll be one day, right? Ha ha. I should just give Athena to her when I need a little extra pick me up.

No, I'm just kidding. Morella actually has a thing with wanting to be too close to Athena. She really wants to hold and hug her, and sit on her.

We got Morella's Halloween costume today. Tim said after we left the store that he suspects that she is now starting to be afraid of spooky things. I told him I got that feeling the day before when I showed her the Nightmare before Xmas and she cried when Jack fell down the tree into Christmastown. It's just that is the only kid type video we have...thank goodness for streaming netflix, even if it is a hassle to set up.

Tomorrow we are going to a pumpkin farm for a family event since it's supposed to be almost sixty and party cloudy. Last years trip for Morella doesn't really count -- since I was there to just get a bunch of small pumpkins. I'm looking forward to it.

Tonight for dinner I made basked apple french toast that was more like bread pudding and a sausage skillet dinner. Morella barely ate any of it. She has barely eaten anything this whole past week to the point where she is getting constipated. Tim held her down and felt up her mouth this evening and determined that all of her second year molars are coming in. Ugh. He said one actually broke though. I had checked earlier in the week and didn't feel anything so that must have been in the last two or three days. I bet that would explain the night she cried that prompted me taking her to urgent care the next day. I am just so glad that these are the last teeth we have to deal with for another couple months before Athena starts in on the action. I hope she is one of those teethers and just randomly adds teeth without a grimace.

We heard and almost laugh from Athena on Thursday night. It was almost there but not quite...I remember Morella's first real laugh. She was exactly four months old and it was Easter and we were at her Uncle Mark's place. She was busting up over Tim knocking over bottles. What will Athena first laugh for, I wonder? She is also starting to sit with support and making her look more like a baby than a newborn. Aww my little girl is growing so fast! Soon the time between naps will get shorter and she'll be interactive, and then I can wear her around more. It's so much easier to wear a baby when they have proper head control. Did I mention she has a bald spot on the back of her head? She rubbed it out from her self soothing/going to sleep technique of turning her head side to side. Oh well. I think Morella had a bald patch around there too and it was the last to grow in.

Athena's schedule as of now:

Bed between 8:30-9:00
1st night feed between 2:00 - 3:00Am
2nd night feed between 5:00 and 6:00 am
Breakfast: 7:30-8:30
Naptime from 9 or 10 to 12 or 1
Lunch, awake time from nap for about 2 hours
Napsnack
Afternoon nap
Awake at 5:00-600-dinner nursing
Awake time, more nursing and eventual just Athena playing and attention time then more nursing before she sleeps.

So in all she eats about 8-10 times a day still, It's starting to get to a routine though which is kind of cool.

Okay. I should get ready for and go to bed. It will be 12 before that happens.

So like, even though I am only about 10 pounds from my prepregnancy weight -- I might as well be a hundred pounds when it comes to clothes looking good on me. I know that most women talk about having that extra tummy fat from having more than one baby. I know it, and even though I know it, I didn't think it would happen to me. Especially after Morella I essentially went back to my normal size...though I think it realistically took about six months instead of two and half.

My problem is pants. The fat pants I have fit. Except, that there is this ... belly pudge that pops out and is just there looking all rolly polly and muffin like. I hate it. I have always hated that an despise low rise pants for that very reason. It is also the culprit to me wearing "granny pants" in terms of underwear. I can pull those up and they smooth everything out. If you are wearing normal women's pants it's not a problem. But if you are wearing "woteen" (combination of woman and teenager) clothes then you have a problem and an outright emergency if your shirt happens to show the travesty of your underwear outranking your pants.

Alternatively I can't wear bigger pants that cover the extra fat because if I do then they fall down. I become that person who is trying to constantly hike up her pants without anyone noticing. I refuse to wear maternity pants ever again...besides they had the hiking up problem long before I had this dilemma.

So here I am. Stuck. I am going to need to lose even more weight than before for my pants to fit right again. Or will they ever fit right? Or do I just need to give it the full six months until then and be thankful that cold weather is here and I can just hide the blueberry muffin with sweaters.

(Pats self on back for blueberry muffin remark because of stretchmarks resembling..oh forget it).

It's late, I'm tired and should be in bed so...another edition of tidbits

• I am new to Ebay looking for Schleich plastic animals for Morella's birthday/Christmas presents. These figurines are so expensive new, I thought I would try to find a way to get more for our money and gently used are okay with us. Tim hates Ebay though and said to look at Amazon. I don't know. I'll give it a shot..or at least watch it.
• Today was a pretty rotten day. I'm still sick. Morella was up all last night and made Tim sleep in the room with her on the trundle bed. Athena was restless and snacked alot last night then threw up on me this morning.
• Went to the doctor to have them look at Morella's ears and throat to find an explanation to her night crying and whining. She did have a low grade fever last night too... but nothing, everything looks clear and dandy. She weighed 22.4 pounds. She has gained no weight in the last two and half months. She has barely been eating anything the last couple of days. The doctor said it could be a mild virus.
• I put dirt along side the house and threw down a bunch of daffidils and tulips in a lazyman's attempt at rain garden. I hope that the dirt and flowers help prevent leaking into the basement. I guess we'll see come spring.
• Morella is spending her first night in her "big girl bed." I transitioned her crib into a toddler bed tonight. She was excited and happy to go to bed in it. So far she hasn't gotten up to knock on the door or knock anything down. We'll see how the night goes and the morning.
  It just wasn't going to work to wait to put her into the trundle bed. She loves her crib too much for that to happen so we need a bridge.
• Tim and I are reading 1, 2, 3 Magic to learn a discipline method for Morella (and later Athena). Morella is getting to that age where it's necessary. I feel a little sad about it because it means the honey moon period is over of just loving our daughter and offering praise is over...now the harder stuff comes into play. Just gotta remember that establishing these rules early on means we'll be better parents and have better adjusted kids in the long run.
  
• We need more DVD's. I think if anyone is going to buy Morella something for her birthday it should be some kid friendly DVD's -- maybe little kid classics... like... I don't know. What do kids like these days? The only thing we have is The Nightmare Before Christmas which I tried today and was deemed to be too scary.
  
• Today was just very hard, and I'm glad it's done. Now to bed.
  

I'm sick and it really sucks. The main computer is broken and down. Tim is waiting for the new edition of windows before getting a new computer. The inside of my ears are itchy, my nose is clogged up, I don't think my sense of taste is working, I feel light headed and it's 4:30 and I just around to looking at the computer today and posting something. I did do a good stint of laying with Athena and nursing her and just ... uh resting. While resting I forwarded a ton of pictures from my phone to my gmail account which consequently locked me out because of suspicious activity.

Today is the only decent day this week to go outside and do something and I am sick. The rest of the week it is supposed to rain and be even colder.

I have a half finished project going on along side the house that I wanted to finish before it starts to rain again. I am not sure how to take Morella out with me to do it while the baby is .. what? Sleeping? If I leave her in the house, even with the monitor...Morella might throw a huge fit about coming inside to attend to her. Or if I take her out maybe Athena will throw a huge fit about being outside in the cool weather.

Being sick with two small children is cruel. I have no backups, I can't ask anyone to help because I am sick and one of the kids might soon be sick (a heavy matter on my mind) and I don't feel like doing anything.

Wah wah wah.

Apple Orchard day, and one Ergo shot

The computer was on the fritz this past weekend. It's been like that for awhile -- working and not working . Tim...OH GEEZ m oreela is helhping .m...mxmxxmxmxmxmxmmxxmxxmxcc

Athena at 2 Months

• Starting to track objects/people with her eyes
• Looks at faces and world around her
• Becoming quite the chatterbox -- cooing and gahing up a storm
• Does the happy infant dance (waving arms and legs up and down at the same time)
• Staying awake and alert for better chunks of time
  
• Prefers to be held facing out when active, or in cradle for snuggle
• Still sleeping with me most of the time in bed
• Won't take a bottle to save her life
• Losing some of the hair on the back of her head (getting rubbed off)
  
• Goes to bed around 10, wakes between 2-4 to eat, and then 6-7. Takes a long morning nap, and a long afternoon nap.
• Getting into 3-6 month clothing
• Not always the best carseat companion
• Can sleep through almost anything at home
• Head control is 75% established (as in can hold her head up pretty good, but wobbly)
• Hates tummy time

Looking forward to seeing how much she has gained tomorrow at her 2 month appointment.

Photos! I got more I'll post tomorrow. :D Also, Athena is two months old today! I'll do a separate post later for her. If I have time.

Purple lipstick. No just kidding..but purple lips are very Octobery.

Morella was a wreck by the time we left, and Athena was thinking about jumping ship too. Also, that is a very unfortunate placing of wheelchair making me look much fatter than I am. :P

My Mom and Athena. She was asleep at this point. We had to keep an eye on her because she would doze in and out fairy regularly. She had a pillow under her to support Athena which was supported on the table so there was little chance that Athena would fall.

Shane and Athena meet.

Grandpa and Athena -- he's actually pretty good with babies.

Morella and I treat ourselves to a little mint mudmask that I got as a freebie from Lush when I ordered some "Good job on having a new baby" gift to myself.

My Athena

Heading out for a field trip. Morella wears her Halloween gear proudly.

Lol

My friend Jessica made this hat, and the duckie one that you will see tomorrow. I get SO many compliments on these hats. She takes orders (even special ones) you know. She has a shop over on Etsy. Go visit her at http://uniqueeuphoria.etsy.com -- she's really good at what she does.

Morella reads Athena a story.

Chatting the next door neighbors up.

My Mom had Cirrhosis of the liver caused from diabetes and obesity, and probably a dose of too many freaking pills. She told me her skin was getting orange and her eyes yellower than ever. I told her to call her Doctor and tell him about it and he called back and essentially said "What do you want me to do about it? I can't do anything for you."

While that maybe true to some degree -- what a shitty doctor. You know a couple years ago the county wanted to investigate him for bad doctoring and my Mom defended him. All because he is quick to give drugs...now that isn't such a great thing is it? Anyway. I did some research tonight on cirrhosis and my finding are extremely depressing. I think she has a pretty advanced case of it -- and well, let's be blunt. I don't know if she make through a year.

This is so...I need to process things. I want to keep every moment. I want to save everything she has ever done. I want her to write more of her life. To make more things. To take it easy and try to do her best to take care of herself in very difficult circumstances. I want to visit her more and help her more...but I can't. This weekend was a prime example. I wish my two brothers who were living at home weren't in such a state of stoned apathy that they could do something/more. It's just so not fair that my daughters won't get to know this grandma. All they will ever know is Tim's Mom. Who is nice, loving and a great grandma -- but not like my Mom.

When I had mentioned my Mom being in the hospital at my six week check up the doctor said something that really helped. "You are your Mom's legacy. The best of her -- go on living and taking care of your family and yourself and you are honoring her." I am just not ready for that yet. I know, no one is ever ready to lose their parents -- but .... but ....

I am going to bed now. I am going to take my sweet, little baby and nurse her and then cuddle her to sleep. Heck with working on getting her to sleep in the cosleeper tonight.

This weekend was a nightmare. It was really one of those times when the saying "loving your kid is not leaving them outside for the wolves" really hit home. We arrived at 8:30. I fed Athena and left to go see my Mom for a little with the baby while Tim settled Morella at the hotel and put her to bed. It was already way past her bedtime.

Making this quick.

I went to Mom's, had a visit and left when it was apparent she was tired and needed some sleep. PLus it was like 11:30 and Athena and I needed sleep as well. I get back to the hotel and was shocked when I opened the door to see Morella climbing out of her pack and play and running around, yapping -- wide awake. We got ready for bed as fast we could. Tim said that he tried earlier and she screamed bloody murder. Well, she did it again. We tried ignoring her, giving into her request of turning on every single effin' light ... her demands were ridiculous and wouldn't stop and waiting her out would have meant more than the hour and half of screaming we put our neighbor hotel dwellers through. Did I mentioned the hotel was booked up? It was because of college and high school homecoming.

Finally, I turned off all the lights except the bathroom. Told Tim to lay by Athena, and took Morella out for a drive at 12:45 in the morning. We drove around for about 20 minutes before we got back. She slept for the drive but was awake immediately upon parking. I picked her up and walked the halls a little before going in the room. Then I put her in the pack and play and laid down in the bed next to it without saying a word. She was awake for another 30 minutes or so -- but not hysterical and eventually went to sleep. Four hours later she was up yelling hysterically at 6:00. Sigh.

She finally settled down after Tim took her for breakfast (she didn't eat) and a drive and they returned at around 8:00. IN fact, she barely ate or drank all day. She was on the edge and would meltdown for 10-20 minutes at a time for the smallest infraction. Clearly she was extremely overtired. Thankfully, she did fall asleep in the car for two hours or so in the afternoon while I stayed at my Mom's and visited. My brother Shane was totally awesome and held Athena (along with my Mom) and talked the whole time. Meanwhile I worked on helping her clean up the kitchen a bit and tried to clear off some spaces. I thought it was a good visit despite the fact that as the day progressed Mom started to fall asleep halfway through things -- a lot. It was like she was a narcoleptic. Shane told her to take her blood sugar (she did) and eat (she did). But she was so tired and then at the end admitted to external bleeding that started up yesterday AND to taking vicodin, which had 500mg tylenol per pill in it. Shane asked her how many she took and she said "10".

Ten in the course of 24-36 hours. :( The doctors has told her to quit taking it and she thought they did that because they were "being mean." She did have another pain management medicine but forgot about it because it wasn't in her name. As in, she and Frank have the same pre...oh I'm just gonna stop. The point is, she is taking more tyenol and ... and ... oh the nurse had called to do a followup that morning too and she told them she was fine and dandy. Even though really, she is in a lot of pain, extremely tired, no appetite and experiencing external bleeding.

So in sum. I was feeling better about the visit, thinking I had really nothing to worry about and that she would make it juts fine to Thanksgiving, but now I am not so sure. It's so hard for her to follow doctor instructions and take medicine appropriately. It's as if she needs a constant nurse there to keep track of all these things. At that point however, we had to go because it was almost 5:00 and Morella was melting down again.

We made it to Eau Claire with Athena howling the entire way and spurts of Morella joining in. Stopped for dinner at Noodles and went on our way. This time Athena cried for 35 minutes before passing out and eventually Morella went to sleep around 8ish. Got home, put her to bed, fed Athena and then realized the thrush is back on me. I have a huge red rash, very itchy rash on one breast -- oh it just sucks. So I am treating myself with gentian violet. Morella isn't showing any signs of it so I am going to skip her -- besides she is getting GV from me.

This morning Tim walked into Morella's room to discover she had vomited a big white, gooey mess. I guess it's a good thing she didn't eat last night? I don't know. Maybe she is sick with the thing that is going around, maybe it was stress from the weekend...who knows. In any case, we are staying home today. I hope Morella takes a long nap this afternoon.

Athena is awake now. My purpled face little baboon.

ETA - Had to do a complete outfit change because of a giant diaper failure on Athena's part -- for both her and me. Yuck.

I just put Morella down for bed. For awhile there when we would put her down at 11:30 she wouldn't sleep. She would stay in there and talk, and sing and read books and play with her stuffies until she did go to sleep and then the nap was only 30-45 minutes, sometimes an hour. It was really kind of sucky because she would be so tired by the end of the day. After hearing that Noah, one of the kids in the play group was going to bed later and sleeping longer naps, I decided to give it a try. In reality it was like going back to the basics and paying attention to when they are tired and going by that cue.

So now she goes down for her nap sometime between 1 and 2. Sometimes it's closer to 12, but really I have been going by her cues and being well rewarded for it by getting my 2-3 hour naps again. Today she went down from 2-5. We had spend 11-1 shopping with our friend Lowen. It was so nice to have an extra pair of hands help with Morella so that I could actually look at things and try them on. We also had coffee at the Starbucks in Target. It was great to sit and chat and Morella just loves sitting at the table with us eating and drinking. It's like playing tea time, except with coffee and real food. I ended up buying myself a pair of little skull and pink heart pajama bottoms from Old Navy. I love these type of pajamas and the last pair I had from them I wore down to threads over several years. I also bought a thin, long sleeved shirt that had little buttons that go down the chest...

Hold on. I want to make a cake. I can get that started and then come back to this post while it's baking.

[Hours later]

Sigh. I decided to try and start Athena on sleeping in her cosleeper tonight. She is currently in there wide awake, but not crying ... yet. Apparently she hasn't read the same books on sleep training that I have, in which putting them down when they are almost asleep is supposed to help them learn to sleep than putting them when they are asleep. Make sense? I guess, it's only day one and she is only 8 weeks old and it's just the cosleeper.

The cake I am making is a spiced apple walnut cake. It's so good and I love it when I can use apples from the neighborhood to make it. I have been making it for three or four years now and there is never any leftovers beyond two days. Instead of using cinnamon and nutmeg I used the Cake Spice seasoning from Sarah that she had given to me over the summer. I'm looking forward to seeing how it will work out. It smells great!

I was also going to make some play dough tonight using this recipe. I have some flour I had gotten from my Dad's that expired in July of 2007. It's my experience that using that old of flour tends to not yield great results. Well, okay results. I have enough sliced apples leftover to make a pie, so I might use some for pie crusts. I also have 10 pounds of whole wheat flour that is equally as old. I wonder how that would work as the base for playdough...hm I sense an experiment. I hope I have enough tartar!

...she is still quiet!....

Tim mentioned to me yesterday that I am not the same person I was before. I know, that can mean a lot of things, but essentially I am doing the things I used to do. We all know that is because of the kids. They are sort of my hobby, main interest and craft right now. I realize I do talk about kids ... a lot now in my journal. I started to wonder how many readers I have lost since having the kids. I would ask, but you know if I lost them then they are far gone by now. I also wonder if I have gained any readers *because* I have kids. I know that there are quite a few journals on my Google Reader list that I searched for because they have small children. I want to read about shared experiences.

Oh she's crying now. I'd ask you if you mind the new ... content of this blog, but I know that many of you won't answer. I mean, you don't have too. It's a blog and part of the joy in that is reading it without having to do any work. You know?