Someone come over and make me some coffee.  That would be good. No make me a latte or some fancy pants drink, that would be even nicer.    Last night I went to Music on the Square with Laima.  They had an opera singer or two there and I wanted to go and hear how that would sound, outside in that area...it sounded great.  They also played one of my favorite classical peices for the second half.  Awesome.   Wow, that place has changed in four years.  Now the streets are filled with camping chairs and I swear there were more people there than  I have ever seen.

Eh. Losing interest in this post. I am going to go and make my own boring coffee, and work some more on a barrette and watch some more morning videos on VH1  and MTV.

Oh great despair! I have failed. Rather, I am going to fail so I might as well enjoy the pity and self worthlessness that it can bring in right now. What is wrong with me? Last week I was brim full of energy, ambition and entrepreneurship. Today I sit here, congratulating myself on taking a shower and a trip to the post office as work well done. Bah. I did spend some time working on the second barrette too, but that is part the dismay at my utter insignificance. I can't make crafts, what a stupid notion. They never sell well and I don't have the first clue on how to do it. Sure there is the library, but that would mean I would have inclination to even find out what books I should be looking at. The writing thing? I have this deadline for August first for the story I have been working on this month (now draft three) and it sits here open on my desktop. I try to write something, succeed in hammering out a sentence and changing a word here or there but it hasn't grown an inch. I feel like I have already written the story a thousand times in my head, seen all the great ending and envisioned great adventures. Why should I write it down? It's just going to be boring, hackish amateur attempt at scribbling. At least I claim I never wanted to be a poet. Proclaiming "A writer" at least implies that I have grandiose romantic notions about the world and myself. Grandiose is about the only thing that is correct.

I just don't know where all my zip went.  What do I want to be happy? I want to not have to take money from our savings to pay bills like we had to do this month.  I want Tim to be happy with a job (I think I want that more than anything). I want a juicy little job.  I was even tossing around the idea of biting the bullet and going back to school.  Ugh...school.  Another job, but I am supposed to be able to get another better job after that.  It would all depend if I could finance the whole thing without taking out debt.  What do I want? I want more than anything to leave this place and start an adventure in another world.

I wish we had more food too.  I think I am going to make a rhubarb pie, you can do that without eggs, milk or bread you know.  ;P

 

Okay, I am so up with this week. I updated Weekend in Pictures...have a look. It will show photographic evidence that I went to Phil and earrings going away party this weekend at Token Creek and was stunned to find out that they had gotten married last December! Holy congratulations, Batman. They made the best brats, and I found myself wishing I could have another one all day yesterday. Suck. We stayed for about three hours and played a game of horseshoes (I won), visited with Jerry, Mike, Rachel and Beth, Phil and Erin but tiredness prevented us from really chatting with everyone. Bah. I hate that when I am provided with an excellent social opportunity and fail...lackluster guest. Suck. We had to go home to let the dogs out anyway, and to see if Brandi called. We offered to have them over for a grill out that afternoon but there had been some miscommunication so we weren't entirely sure if it was still on.

We got home and it was still on, and after awhile Brandi came over with a guest, their daughter, Sophie and Hannah and Henry. It was great! We fired up the grill, relaxed, the kids ran around and screamed their heads off (nice to do everyone once in awhile), caught lightening bugs, ate, and played with lame house frisbees. :D

After they left and I hung up the newest art in our living room (Brandi brought it over) and admired it, we decided it was too late to hook back up with Phil and Erin and stayed in. I read and Tim played a Mech game that someone gave him.

Sunday we slept in. I made some bad corn fritter type pancakes (I don't get it...I like corn and I like Pancakes...why didn't this work???), walked to the St. Dennis Festival up the street -- my first time ever to an event like this -- Tim yawned and said it was like an old shoe. Those ministers kids...so worldly. :P We bought some corn, had a beer and played a lotto type ticket before we left. We walked to Woodmans to buy some smokes, cereal, crystal light and apples. I wish I had remembered soy milk...   Oh, and then we went over to Brandi's to look at some furniture that she had....we wanted it...but our car was too small. Then she did something extraordinary...she said we could use her PT Cruiser to bring the desk and dresser back to our place!  Oh that was absolutely awesome, at is so nice, and finally I feel like we are starting to get some nice furniture.   

What's up with the mail?? I don't think we have gotten mail for the past three days. Yesterday we put some mail out and by 2:00 it wasn't gone. When we came back it was gone....but Tim of course said "Maybe it was stolen." Since there wasn't any mail in return...not even the stupid Shopper Stopper that we get EVERY Saturday....I started to fear. Actually, still am. Maybe someone DID take our mail...but why? It was a Netflix, two surveys, and two letters...I guess I will know about the Netflix by today or tomorrow... if they did take our mail. But...dude. I suspect there is a new mail person or something and they aren't doing quite the best job.

 

Look at all the things I can do. I can startle you by saying something like.... I walked into the kitchen, and to my disgust saw that the poop sat in a pool of blood. Ha. Impressed aren't you?

Last night I watched Under the Tuscan Sun. I had found the book a year or two earlier on the concrete slab at our Chicago apartment for free and tried to read it. Ugh. I couldn't stand it, the premise was just too much for me. Well-t0-do professor type pays one million to buy a house in Tuscany, is she crazy? No, she just fucking rich and I don't care to hear about her obeserve the little details of Italian life under a one million dollar home in another country. So, I thought I would watch the movie knowing it might be better. It was, but not by much. It disturbed me that spent all her money buying the house (making sure not to show the audience how much) and yet had enough money for elaborate dinners and crap. Bah. But it was something to do while Tim toiled away at work until late hours of the day.

Jake is pain in the ass. A dog. He is way too interested in the cats and last night he was going after one...two of them. If it was to sniff them, fine..but he was going to fast and scared them. Migo swatted him, he yelped but then I got scared when he kept going after Migo. I threw him outside and checked the paper we had gotten regarding him. Of course the one thing I need to punish him was the one thing that the owner forget to give us. A nose muzzle (because if at all possible...Jake should not be confined). Eventually I let him back in (had to...Pluto was a dumbass and went out side with him), put him on a lease and made him sit on the couch with me. Sigh. Today he discovered Koopa, and even though I have her ruby palace sheathed in a cotton, he still sits and stares, and whines. If this is what a normal dog is like, then I don't want one. I want all dogs to be like Pluto. Don't bark, don't show interest or go after cats or other small marsupials, sleep a lot, and ... well... is quiet.

gah!   This is so  very frusturating.  Comments and archiving aren't working yet...and for the longest time I couldn't even get the damn post to show, although it was updating on the previously posted side. I am sure you don't care...but I need a break otherwise this is going to break me.

The archiving and blah blah blah links aren't diminishing, even though I changed the settings.  Do I need to make an other meaningless post?

Checking to see if I can post via email.

----------------------------->www.wazika.net

Changes are harder and harder to do with each passing year...    So, what do you think?  Notice the little  comment option? Use it!

I feel really old today.   I know why I do too...it's because after Tim left for work I switched the TV to MTV and VH1  (because they actually play videos in the morning), and saw Modest Mouse Float On video. Then I remember Eric saying "I didn't want to like them because I thought they were too main stream" to me, when I said "Who the hell is Modest Mouse?".   OH that seems like years ago...wait it is because it WAS years ago when I was an intrepid young woman duking it out with the big city.   Bah. Now I am twenty eight, sitting here in my own house and bitching about how I feel old...when I know when I am older I am going to want to slap me for being such a nitwit.

A sentimental fool.  For heaven's sake.

Alright.  BIL Ben called last night saying he was in town for a leadership conference and wanted to gather all the Benninghoff's and their SO's for dinner. We went to La Hacienda and it was good.   We explained our latest dilemna...and when we got home we felt comfortable with making a decision.  We are going to take one...  we can do that with the peace of mind that we are offering these at least one child the stability that they need. Hopefully, the case worker will be able to find a home for the other two.... two is much easier to place than three.  I wish we could do more, but unless we had a lot more money a month we can't.    If you want more details on what the hell I am talking about, I guess you are going to just have to email me. 

In unrelated news, we found a dump curtesy of Pluto in the basement. It was solid, so it was quite obvious that he just strolled down there with his new found power of stairs....and ... er... had some liberty?  Ugg.   It means I need to bleach mop the basement and then spray it down with that pet waste deterrent stuff.   I forget the name of it right now.  

 

 

Okay, I have made a commitment to write several things today, in addition to updating the Week in Pictures section -- which I already did. So you can go and look at it right now if you want to.

Now where to start? I guess I will start with last week? The 15th... when was that? Right, last Thursday. Well, Phil, Erin, John and Jeremy all came over for a grill out in honor of Phil and Erin who moved this past weekend to West Virginia to start their newest adventure. Erin is going to school for stain glass restoration and Phil...is finding himself? Or at the very least, a new job. It was a great time because we were ... oh wait. I think I talked about this already? Or maybe I did in a letter. No, I remember that was Wednesday.

Okay, on Thursday we picked up Ty Quan and went to play mini golf and then had dinner afterward at Hubbard's diner. It was nice, although he got home a little past bedtime. I think we need to call today to see if they are available this week or Sunday for some board game playing. A little good news, is that his other brother found a Big Family to be with, and now I am sure these kids are going to compare who is better or who is doing more fun stuff. Oh the pressure...but I know the whole point is to just spend time with them. Which we are doing.

Friday, .... er nothing I think. Tim was in a super funk and it sucked. Saturday, we drove out to Geneva WI, to do our volunteer time to GPA and walk dogs. When we got there a bunch of them had already been walked by snide, 1st year psychology type volunteers (totally obvious they just started and were really proud of themselves), who took the dogs on only ONE lap around the fence....this on a really nice, sunny beautiful day --- average five minutes. Remember this is the dogs only outing for the whole week. Anyway, one of them had the gall to say "Oh they got here late... ha ha just kidding." What the fuck ever. One lap? I wanted to say something, but didn't. We only ended up walking four dogs, for two laps each...the other dogs were still whining and had energy when we left after being there for only 20 minutes. As Tim said, "Sometimes it sucks...sometimes it doesn't." Where are these do gooders when the weather is really shitty? Not there, I can guarantee that.

Got home and later went to test drive a Scion XB. Wow, we want one. But I would need a job to get one. They are soo roomy and there would be room for Pluto and a passenger or two in the back seat. Went home, napped, read and watched a movie -- The Matrix Revolutions.

Sunday our little Gypsy went off to be adopted. :( I miss the little pixie already. I forget what we did for the rest of the day....I did apply for a job at UW Extension for a LTE position, part time in the morning downtown....I hope I get it. I would like the extra cash for the potential car and for supplies. Tim was also inspired and started looking too! WOO! Finally...progress.

Monday, a new dog joined our ranks. We are dog sitting for one of Tim's coworkers who is away on business for three weeks. He is a pointer/beagle mix and hasn't quite gotten it into his head that cats are bad. Jake is going to be a guest until August 2nd.

Yesterday I went to the Mall with Hilary and the two girletts. Man, Mina can now run faster than I can walk...and seriously...she doesn't stop. I think it's because her head is so big and she has to keep up with it...can't stop...that kind of think. I got a frappichino...man I love those things...and a new lip stud (shh..don't tell Tim). Money is really tight this month. Later on watched Outback Jack and then had a nice conversation with Callie on the phone! Maybe I should start making more...conversational phone calls. What a concept!

Today I have to go to the post office to mail something. Called Insurance to work something out ... a bill that we got in the mail today. Luckily it was easily resolved and doesn't cost us anything. Awesome....I like it when things work they way they should. I am also going to write and spend some quality time on the computer...updating this, talking with Karen, updated website, gonna write my story and hopefully finish it (the third draft), and write a letter. Tonight is sparring...ugh. I have no reason not to go...and I have to stop being a baby and suck it up. It's hard...

Help me out here folks, what the hell should Tim do with his life? Rather, what job do you think Tim should do. So far, we think something with information, politics would be nice, maybe library science, or some kind of science that doesn't directly involve sitting at a bench all day, or even something radically different that we ...er...I haven't thought of yet.

Last night Phil, Erin, Jeremy and John came over for a grill out. It was a great visit! With just enough food and we roamed around the house sitting the living room, outside and office with terrific free flow conversation. Phil and Erin are moving this week, but coming back next week for their going away party. Where are they going to? Ohio. Wheeling, Ohio. But it for something really cool, and that is for Erin to go to stain glass restoration school. How awesome is that?

Opps, gotta get dressed. Taking the 'little' mini golfing.

If it is morning and I am sitting at the computer holding a spoon, then twelve out of ten times Innsmouth is going to worm her way on to my lap and meow pitifully. Why is that? Because in the morning, if someone is holding a spoon, then chances are some milk product is being spooned to a mouth and she wants some of that. OH she used to be polite, but that was before she was indulged one to many times. Now, apparently she has an entitlement but no matter how much she says she wants it, she always turns her nose up at my soymilk. Cheaky cat.

Watched Fog of War last night. I wonder if the same kind of movie will be made/could be made about Rumsfeld in fifty years. Then we will all think of him as ... human. The interesting thing about Roberta McNamara, was that he didn't SET out to become the man he was, he was chosen for the jobs based on his mighty intelligence. You could say that others found him and not the other way around. I also learned that I did not know what Agent Orange really was -- based on popular culture I assumed it was some biological weapon. Which it is...to plants. The human effect was only an unforeseen consequence. I also hadn't realized that Japan had been seriously fire bombed and over 50% of their population decimated before we dropped not one, but two nuclear bombs on them. How are they are still alive? I am beginning to rethink my position on the bomb, or the "great shame" as my young, english wanna be teaching assistant for Southeast arts class called it. And the Cuban Missile Crisis was that l---l close to happening? They really DID have armed weapons? Crap.

I just started a list yesterday, in which I am going to write down everything I have ever wanted to do, try or learn. Aside from plant identification, and geography, I might need to learn a little more history.

Yeah, I kinda figured that it had been almost a week since my last post. I guess it just went with the rest of the week because I took a break from TKD as well. It was a good break, and there is no point in forcing yourself to do something you enjoy. I don't really want to burn out....and last week was just things happening on the night. Taking Pluto to the vet, Roberta dropping couches off, and shopping on Wednesday night for ink and books with my darling. Yeah, so why am I making excuses for you?

Andrew is now gone. We drove him back home yesterday and last night the whole house felt very big for just Tim and I. I wrote in my journal, watched the 4400 (holy crap this show is amazing!!!! - It's about 4400 people that have disappeared over the past century, and suddenly all returned standing on a mountaintop -- not having aged a single day or remembering what happened to them. It's on Sunday's at 8:00 on USA), and uh, wrote some more before going to bed. This morning the house feels very lonely with just me. :( Three weeks was a long time (even though it doesn't feel like it).

Well now life gets back to normal. I have to rewrite my Eve story, start doing TKD again, managing my time better and working toward some of my other goals. Yeah. I have also been reading a lot. I just finished the Birthday of the World and other stories by Ursula Le Guin. I formed an opinion that I hated her back in college based on a a book of hers that I read (Fantasy writing) and hated. She seemed so arrogant and ... blah blah. Well, her writing took some getting into, but I forced myself through her pages of false history to get to the meat of the stories which explored gender identity and relationships. Yep, that's it. But I liked it....I like social twists like that...that is why they call it science fiction, right?

I also finished Black Projects White Knights by Kage Baker. I liked it! A collection of short stories based on world that she created in the 24th century. A corporation with the power of time travel and many other wonders and some of the stories .... it was good, although I could have done without the Follow Your Own Adventure introduction.

The Christmas Letters by Lee Smith - A little "gem" of a book that was supposed to warm my heart and cozy my soul. It's a collection of Christmas letters (those ones that you get in your card from people you only talk to once a year) through three generations of women. It started out promising, but by the end I felt like I was reading a bad mimiographed copy.

Ghost Stories - Muriel Spark - A collection of Ghost Stories, though the ghost isn't all ways the spooky kind with paranormal features. I read them all, and they all engaged me, however I must admit, I didn't "get" a few of the stories. For example, The Seraph and the Zambesi. I get what happenes...but ...what? Maybe I don't get what happens. What the hell happens? I did recognize another of her stories "The Portobello Road." I am sure I have read this story before in some other collection, but read it again anyway.

The Chronicles of Narnia - by C.S. Lewis - Okay okay, I know many of you have read these book (which I managed to get all in one paperback volumn). I too, had several friends that were obessed with the collection in seventh grade, however they were SO obessed that it turned me off. (Yes, just like Tolkien -- and yes, I am stubborn idiot at times). But Tim did mention that it was his favorite collection a child, and well...what's stopping me? I resisted reading it in junior high -- but there is no reason now except my own laziness. A note of interest, the first book is not the Lion's witches wardrobe, but The Magician's Nephew. I have only just started and am the point right now where the Lion tell Digory, the Son of Adam that he has brought evil into their world. But my question is...when they first got on the world...it was empty. The horse cabbie decided to sing a hymn to relieve his discomfort ... it was only AFTER that the the lion appeared and began to create Narnia though song. So, did the children begin life on Narnia with a song? Because in that case, they did bring evil, but they also brought good.

Alright, I got shit to do instead of yammering on and on. OH Eric got into an accident on his skateboard and knocked his brains out, complete with a trip in ambulance and an overnight stay a the hospital. Poor Eric, everyone send a good thought his way even though it happened last Monday. :P

This holiday weekend was not very much of a holiday weekend at all. Although on Friday I did enjoy a few beers with Tim and his coworkers at the terrace followed by a small coffee date with just Tim. We went to Starbucks and sat up on the balcony...it was so nice. Then we drove home and ordered pizza and watched The Last Samurai.

Saturday Tim was tired and didn't feel like getting up at the ass crack of dawn to take the dogs to the dog park. We slept until 9:00 when I had to get up and fix some pancakes before heading over to the bank so I get something notarized. Afterward we were going to go to Walmart to get our fishing license, but Tim said time was short. All we did was get my form notarized. Went home, I put it in the mail and Tim took Gypsy to the meet and greet in Fitchburg. He got back at two and we got our fishing stuff ready and went to pick up tyquan and then go to Walmart to get the fishing license (s). Man, when you don't go Walmart, you are amazed at how much stuff they got, and how cheap it is. The devil is a wily creatures...tempting me with low low prices. Fishing license in hand we went to Olbrich park to fish in the light rain. Tim showed TyQuan how to cast and reel it in, and how to put worms on the hook. This was all TyQuan's first time, and to our amazement he caught a fish! To my double amazement, I caught TWO! Rock on. The the storm grew up and was about to fall on our heads so we left...JUST in time. We went to Culver's for a victory cone. Afterward we dropped him off at the Church where his Mom was working, they live right by Warner Park, so I got to see all the hubbub of folks running in the rain, soaked to the bone. Ha ha.

Went home and lounged playing Super Bust a Move, before Carla called and said that Rhythm and Booms was cancelled until Monday and wanted to know if we still wanted to come over. Well, now that we didn't have to take the bus...SURE we would come over. Visiting Richard is always nice and Andrew even had a good time. We ate some food, visited and decided to try again tonight. We got tired and went home to watch Master and Commander (which I didn't think was that great).

Now the trouble begins. We got to bed and Pluto, who didn't eat anything all day begins to pant. He needs to be taken out side...for every 15 to 20 minutes because the rotten mulch he got into on Friday got a hold of him. Oh my. Tim took the first couple hours and just as he was about to lose it, I took the second shift. In the morning I sat in the kitchen with him writing a letter while he went out every 1/2 hour...and eventually that got longer. Vomit and dog squirts. What a way to start the holiday.

Since he was sick we didn't want to leave him too long, so I called Liama to gauge when the most people would be there, and the grill was ready. We headed over and I had a good time talking with her Aunt and Mother, got a tour of the place with furnishings, talked with Hilary a bit, but got full and tired quickly. Tim wasn't in the mood to socialize much and Andrew certainly won't socialize. Sigh. We thanked Liama and left. I look forward to hanging out with her a little bit on my own at a later time.

Went back and took a three hour nap. Got up and watched some VH1 and Twilight Zone and then went to bed again for blissfully uninterrupted sleep. Ahhh.

I had a very long, and detailed dream about three apartments that were over heads that we never knew about. Actually, I did discover apartment number 1 before, and in this dream decided to go up and look at it again. Upon opening the door a bunch of kittens came pouring out and two mommy cats...I was going to have find homes for them. Apartment 1 is completely furnished, but abandoned. The location of our house with secret compartments, is always that attic apartment we lived in on Pickney. However, the first floor of the house is the layout we live in right now. The second floor is accessible to through a little noticed door by the front entry...a secret door. So the second floor is in pretty good condition, I think I remember the Greg and Bekah lived in it, there are beds in rooms, clothes everywhere, the kitchen stove was left on (I turned it off), the refrigerators were still plugged in. I was dismayed by waste of energy.

Then there was a third apartment, completely wrecked...but it had potential to be very cool and I was showing it to Sarah, and she was really interested in it. The bathroom was immense with a massage room, a large step down bathtub with whirling stuff, a clawed big tub that had the water on. It was gushing water out and I went to turn it off thinking of the water bill. There was a little house to the side that I couldn't go in because the porch needed to be replaced and wouldn't hold my weight, a small forest in the back with the sun shining down on it, a kitchen with fridges full of food, and counter space with pans and dishes. And,a bunch of people telling us this was some kind of disabled kids retreat. Which it wasn't -- it was the third floor of my house. I was going to have to kick them out.

I went downstairs were my dad was sitting and I told him about the amazing third floor apartment, and he said he didn't believe it. So we went up there...and it was gone! Replaced by a an attic type thing...we went through it, and on the other half it was this old abandoned rec room with skylights. I talked about how I was going to make this my plant room. They had a foos ball table, ice trunks filled with pop, two pop machines STILL on (I was very concerned with all these appliances still being on), Dad was impressed with it, and my Mom was impressed that she could get a pop. I was dismayed that I needed change to get the pop, but then saw a bunch of change on the table for that purpose. It was great because it was a secret rec room.

I loved it. One full apartment complete with a kitchen, abandoned furnishing, kitties, and potential for renting it out.... and (although I miss the good secret third floor apartment) I still like the hidden rec room potential. Oh the possibility.

You know they say that when you dream of undiscovered rooms that you are dreaming of your untapped potential. Does it mean something significant that all that energy was being wasted? What kind of potential am I not digging into? If the apartments were really only there....I miss them so much.

Now I have to go and take a shower so that I can go to Woodmans to buy the ingredients for Pluto's Bland Diet. Ugh. Cooking for dogs seems ridiculous...anyway, I also have to buy some Pedialyte, and food for ourselves. A car today would be nice - especially since Andrew isn't very good at riding bike with groceries.

What should I do today? Hm. Yesterday I felt kind of ... eh...but Andrew and I did manage to make it to the grocery store to get some food. I balanced our budget and am now going to watch where all the unaccountable money is going, and I worked on my story (which I intend to finish today). The other day we went to Olbrich gardens and walked around examining all the plants. I wish I had a garden like that. Sigh. You know the Thai Pavivilion that that they have? The only one in North America? Well, they have a lady sitting there in a camping chair ALL freaking day -- making sure no one touches it. Isn't that crazy? I mean that is her job, to sit there all day and ensure that the gold flake is not touched by mortal hands. I wonder though, if I wore gloves if it would be okay...hmm.

But, it feels like we haven't done anything really exciting with Andrew. I mean I did take him to State Street, and then to Olbrich gardens, and we outran a percieved tornado -- but nothing much else. I think a movie would probably solve that problem. However I don't think the theater has bike rakes (curse this city) and it's a long bus ride/walk combo. Okay, anything on the bus seems long. Oh well, he's 13. Last night he browned ground turkey for the first time making lasagna....that was new.

Ha...cooking. Alright, see you.