Last night I did a little retail therapy. Tim got his raise notice and I've been feeling so cooped up that I wanted to splurge a little. After Morella went to bed I headed out. I first stopped at Michaels and browsed the dollar bins. I got some ribbon, some fairy acrylic stamps that compliment the set I already have, a Gardener's apron and four packages (8 each) of cupcake paper plates -- for dollar each! Awesome.

At Target I tried on a maternity shirt, decided it looked dumpy and then quit looking at clothes. I have plenty of maternity clothes that I can wear, especially when it gets warmer -- which is soon right? I just have to make it through April and then I am golden. I found Morella's non skid socks and got one in every color. The sizing is 12-24 so I shouldn't need to buy any more socks - and Crouton can wear them later on too. I don't think I need to buy socks again for a long time, and truth be told this is the first time I had to do it. We were living off of the socks that friends gave us when Morella was born. :D I also got Morella blue shirt -- it was on clearance for two bucks. You know she looks so good in blue, it really shows off her eyes.

I bought myself a new purse. One with straps long enough to wear across my shoulders. I can't tell you how many times I have cursed my purse that never stays on shoulders and always falls when I am holding Morella and have to bend over...either to pick her or something else up. I almost got one with a flap but then remembered what a huge pain in the ass it is to open that flap with one hand. They didn't have black...so I ended up getting orange! Wow. Orange. No seriously, I like orange so I'm okay with it -- but to consciously by a color other than black is huge for me.

I also got a new hat (clearance).

No, the real splurge was a toy organizer with bins for Morella for $60. At first I got one with pastel colors but then an aisle later realized that there was one with primary colors in the boys aisle. I ditched the pastel one and got the one with primary colored bins. I can't wait to put it together. I think it's going to be in Morella's room. She has plenty of space in there for it. My own extra special little splurge was one of those new age CD's from the music section that you can push buttons and hear samples. I got the native american flute and guitar one - hey it was on sale and I felt like something a little new and yet familiar. Oh and then you know, I got witch hazel, tissues and tooth paste.

After I finished my decaf Mocha (from the starbucks at Target), I headed back and stopped at Woodman's for a big grocery shopping trip. We needed big ticket things like olive oil, balsamic vinegar, teas, soda and milks. I bought Morella two of the vanilla soys for like a total of 5.50. That's a lot of money for a gallon of milk! But you know what? It would be that price in Chicago for one half gallon. Thank goodness for Woodman's.

Came home exhausted. That was a lot of walking and shopping, and it was 10:30 and I was TIRED! Morella's nap yesterday lated a 1/2 an hour. Sheesh. I walked into the kitchen and almost walked out, never to return. It was a disaster. Floor was still dirty (but swept), dishes spilling out everywhere. Dinner still on plates and scattered about. Dish towels, wash clothes, bibs and a pair of duckie pajamas* scattered about the floor as well as various toys and papers. Tim put groceries away and I washed as many dishes as I could fit into one rack. I followed that up by cleaning the counter, mopping the floor, cleaning off the table and wiping down Morella's slop chair. After that I needed to sit down and decompress and stayed on the internet far too long.

Thus, this morning I have a super snotty baby who is still sick but doesn't have a fever (as of yet) and I am really, really tired. Times like this I am reminded that "me" time isn't nearly as good as "not being tired."

*A cute aside, the dish towels and wash clothes has been in the living room. It was only later last night that I realized Morella had brought them into the kitchen and tried to put them away in the drawer that they belong.

-------------------

One last thing! Morella has two new teeth. A top left molar, and a bottom tooth (next to one of the two that is in). My baby girl now has EIGHT teeth. Whoa. Soon she'll be eating jerky.

IT's been a battle but I think Morella is finally down for a nap. At 1.30PM. Sigh. I guess that 4.5 hour nap yesterday was too good to be true. I gave her some motrin about a 1/2 an hour ago -- maybe it kicked in and that is the reason she finally went to sleep. She's barely eating today. We skipped baby book. Sigh. At least we got dressed today.

Okay. Belly shot photo two days late, but better late than never right?

Awww...Morella is sick today. Lots of green snot shooting out her nose and teary watery eyes. We gave her some tylenol before her nap and she slept for a record breaking 4.5 hours!! I hope she is better for the last baby book session (next one starts in June!) but I'm not holding my breath. Poor ticka ticka.

We made a little progress on the disaster that is our house today. I managed to at least find the sink, counter and sweep the floor.

Morella and I went shopping this afternoon before the snow started. I needed to get her a new coat, and so we went to check out Savers. Wow, the new savers is nice. It's so clean, big, spacious and the prices were great for the most part for kids clothes. I got Morella really nice green jacket for 3 bucks! I also got her a doll stroller ($2) that she LOVES and has been pushing around her stuffed animals all after noon. I found an older speak and say for $2 as well -- it's in great condition and Morella is close to figuring out to really use it. In addition to the awesome green jacket I got her: five pairs of pants, a red scottie dress/jumper with matching hat, a pink plaid jumper/dress, a yellow dress, two shirts, a hoodie and a fleece kitty sweater. This in addition to the three vintage dresses I got her yesterday at a consignment resale and jean jacket. I think she is almost set for the spring! I still need to find some more non skid socks. I know I could buy the puffy paint, but I really don't want to the work. I guess Circo at Target as the non skid because babies R us nor Burlington had them. Bummer.

We also stopped at Borders and Morella bought me some lindor truffle eggs, and we got Tim a collected graphic novels: Civil War by marvel. I had a coupon for 40% off so it was totally worth it to get that book. I didn't stay there too long because Morella has started to succumbing to fit throwing if she doesn't get her way.

What else. Oh the neighbors across the street got a fancy new playset for the two kids living there. I'm talking the wood, yellow chain, green canopy playset that you see around with a big slide. So the Mom came over and asked us we wanted the plastic play set thing they had since their kids outgrew it. We decided sure, why not. It will be in the backyard and not such an eyesore .... and it's free and something for Morella to play with back there that hopefully won't hurt her. Plus, it seems like it will work as a play thing for both Crouton and Morella for a few years.

I need to go to bed. I have a tummy ache from the decaf black tea and sort of a headache brewing. Dinner totally sucked and I am getting really frustrated with Morella not eating anything, hating baths and being short fused.

Sigh. At least she likes the doll stroller...it's so cute to see her push it around the house. She had a bit of a runny nose this evening -- we are hoping that she doesn't get what Tim had this past week. Ugh that would suck suck suck.

Crouton is kicking up a storm these days. My neighbor the other day asked me point blank TWICE if there was anything new going on with us. I finally said "uh we are expecting another baby August 1st..." and he said "I thought so! You can tell."

Gah. You can tell. I suppose, it's no secret anymore and it really won't be the time it's summer. Speaking of which today is supposed to be a belly shot today. I might have to do that tomorrow.

Friday Photos: Sliding






Photos courtesy of Shutter*Chick. Thanks Sara, I LOVE them! FYI Having your baby wear fleece pants while sliding makes them go a lot faster...you might want to be prepared.

Yesterday we went to the zoo for the first time this year with the other baby book toddlers. It was such a nice time! Sadly, the zoo closes at four instead of five so we decided to extend the outing by going to the playground outside the zoo. It was awesome to see the kids zooming around with their own little agendas.

Ok. Morella is well into a nap. There are a few more things I wanted to post about before she wakes up. I have gotten SO much done this morning it's incredible. I feel almost like a super Mom, when in reality it's probably like just an average day for most folks.

I was reading the "You know you are grown up..." in Redbook's latest issue this morning and found myself agreeing with most of the blurbs. Now usually I think "Piffle -- whoever wrote those didn't try hard enough. But not this time!

You know you are a grown up when....

• ...you have tumeric, coriander and saffron in your kitchen -- and you're not afraid to use them. (Except for the saffron ... until Surefine makes it, I won't have it. :P
• ...you have successfully kicked one of these habits: smoking, biting your nails, running back to your old boy friend every time a new relationship goes south. (I have done two! - I quit biting my nails and smoking -- the boyfriend thing is lame though. Who does that?)
• ...you wouldn't even think of blowing off your friend's emotional crisis to watch American Idol finals. (Well, I don't like AI, but I substituted a new episode of Battlestar ... and was able to do it).
• ...instead of waiting for a wedding or a job interview, you realize that "it's Tuesday" is a special enough occasion to wear the pearls your grandmother gave you. (Or anything "special" ... I now just go ahead and do it. This is a new thing in the last couple of years where I have just started to go ahead and USE the cool things I have accumulated).
  
• ...you calculate how late you can stay out on a Saturday night based on how much you are willing to pay a babysitter. (Since we don't currently have a babysitter, I weigh how tired i am going to be the following morning. Though I am sure in a few more years the babysitter will be more accurate).
• ...you have at least one friend who has been married, divorced and married again (Chuck!)

Well I thought it was pretty interesting.

So yeah, super productive today. I finished and filed our taxes, paid the mortgage, cable and credit card, brought up diapers (further goals for today include actually putting them and other laundry away), drove Tim to work, and on the way back stopped at the grocery store to get some items.

I wast that person at the grocery store with the toddler wearing jammies and a dirty hoodie. How did that get dirty so fast?! I mean it was just washed the other day. Sheesh. Regardless, Morella was as charming as ever and in a great mood as we zoomed around getting her milk, and ingrediants for seven layer taco dip. All of which is still in the brown bags (I can't find the green bags...they were by the door....) because I haven't felt like putting them away yet. Obviously, there are a ton more things I can and do need to do today but you know, taxes, bill paying, grocery shopping, neighbor chatting (our neighbor's dog has cancer on it's tail into it's torso...poor Sam), and creating a big post are all noteworthy things to do!

This afternoon, I am going to drop off an exersaucer to one of the women in baby book who has a 4.5 month old who is almost ready. I said she could borrow it because by the time Crouton needs it, that baby will have totally outgrown it. There is a big pint size resale going on today and tomorrow that I would like to go, and she expressed interest so after dropping that off she might come too. It doens't start until 1:00 so there is plenty of time. Then at 4:30 we are meeting Tim and Oliver at the High Noon for a after work/hello spring drink. Since Tim is still kind of sick I don't know how long he is going to last.

He stayed home yesterday and slept the entire day. He looked and sounded awful. He even had to skip his Thursday night gaming session! Now that IS sick. Thankfully, Morella gave me an easy day yesterday so it was managable.

Oh. She hates baths again. How is it that there are no other kids out there who HATE baths? Everyone I talk to says "oh no! Little Johnny loves his bath, it's impossible to take him out of it!" Whereas my kid stands there howling the entire time and has to get washed down like a 5 minute car wash. I'm hoping that bath strike will go away when it gets warmer and playing with water is fun again -- and not as icy when it can be done outside.

Lastly, tonight I am going over to Hilary's with some other lady friends to decompress and relax. Ahhh...hence the taco dip. It's like the non-alcoholic version of a good time. Right?

There. Bread bowls started and in the warm oven rising. Seriously, when recipes call for "a warm place," what do they expect? There are no "warm" places in this house. They are all equally chilly. What did they do in the old days? I imagine that they let the bread rise by the stove. I also got the ham and pea soup started -- it's a crock pot recipe that calls for 4-5 hours on high. It will be done at six...a little later than I would like, but I had a little handicap running around the kitchen playing with ice she ganked from the freezer and then subsequently slipping on it. I also let her help me knead the dough, as well as measure, and then she just ended up licking sugar granules out of a measuring cup.

The sun is out! Well it was for a second. Now it's just lighter outside. Too bad it's cold and yucky. I might almost go for a walk. Morella sure seems like she could use it. This whiny stage is ... uhhh uhhh uhhh uhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhh uhh uh u hhhuhhhuhuhhj!

For dinner tonight I am going to try and make bread bowls and split pea soup. I have a frozen chunk of ham I got from my StepMom Barb the last time I was at Dad's. Commodity Ham. I'm not sure it will be good, but it's not in a can and it's with ... uh commodity peas. Ha ha -- come to think of it the bread is going to be commodity flour too. Well then.

It's another rainy day, except this time it means it. Yesterday it was light rain and drizzle today it's a steady stream of cats and dogs. Morella went down for a second nap at 9:00. What is up with her? Is it growing? I don't understand the need for sleeping more right away. Is it the dark, over cast day? Yesterday she went down for a nap at 9.40 and slept until 12:30. -- it was a good thing that we skipped baby book time if she needed that much sleep. She was also cranky, had several poopy diapers -- I was glad when Tim came home from work to at least share my exasperation.

Today I got the "no clean socks" comment coupled with the "no undershirts" comment from the other day day means I have to do laundry. Boo. I started a load of whites now. Sometimes it's just the starting of them that's a pain in the butt. I wish my basement was finished then it wouldn't be such a chore to take Morella down there to do it. But once it's started it seems to be easier to do...anyway. I was reminding myself that this could be 60 years ago at the very least, and I wouldn't have a washing machine. I would have to devote the whole freaking day to washing clothes. Now that would suck! It's bad enough that I have to wash my own dishes. Ha ha.

I am working on a letter to my Mom because I felt like I haven't talked to her in awhile. I could pick up the phone, I know. But I like doing those in addition to a letter because my Mom has a tendency to talk about her medical problems the entire time, and share the bad news of the neighborhood, how broke she is, and all the other depressing things going on. She hardly ever asks what I am doing or what we are up to and when she does she'll interrupt me half way through it to tell me about the one or two pounds she gained or lost. Or she'll stop listening (I can tell) and wait until I am done so that she can go back to whatever it is that she is thinking. At least with letters, I feel like she has to listen to what is going on here. And if we talk after she gets a letter then she asks better questions and doesn't get bored right away. You know? It's more like an equal conversation.

The downside to the letter writing, is that Morella keeps taking my letter pages and carrying them around the house. I can handle that, and I'm sure Mom won't mind a few wrinkly pages. What Morella can't handle though, is that I won't give her my pen. She threw two five minute tantrums about it this morning alone!

So I think I am going to go and try and finish that letter before the mail or her nap ends. It's too early for me to go back to sleep, and there is some still coffee in the pot that's mine. It would be nice to sit on the couch next to the window and write. I often dream of it, and here is my chance. But first I needed to post. I didn't even talk about my weekend -- I guess I could just say it was good.

One of my contacts is all gummy. I know it's not old because I just replaced them on Wednesday. I should probably clean it. I don't feel so hot this morning. Breakfast isn't sitting well with me. I had a bowl of cereal and then decided to try and tackle the leftover cake with ice cream. I got a few bites in before deciding it was too old and icky to finish but by then the damage had been set. I guess.

Tim is at Woodman's right now with Morella picking up milk and getting supplies for her overnight stay at the grandparents. Tim and I are staying in a hotel tonight for a great price thanks to Tim's mom. See...it's like they PAYING us to take Morella. Ha ha. No seriously, she works at a the hotel and can get rooms cheap. So we go to Milwaukee, switch her off to to them at Tim's sister's so Morella can have a chance to play and stretch her legs with her cousins. Then Tim and I see the Watchmen, eat dinner and go to a benefit band show and the best part is really the sleeping in on Sunday. OH man that's going to be nice.

I think they are home...I should go and fix my contact, get dressed and pack. I already have Morella mostly done and I'm sure ours isn't hard to do. It's just overnight. It's difficult to get motivated when you are feeling that great though. You know? Stupid cake. It came back to get me.

I feel much better about things today. I emailed my doctor and she said she would have me back for another ultrasound during the 3rd trimester (a full two months away at least) to finish the spinal measurements. That said, I have thought about it and decided I would bring in the consent form to have a 3D ultrasound done before that -- I see her next at the 23 week appointment. So hurray for another ultrasound and boo for it being so far away. :P

I watched baby Alex again today because the other baby sitter bailed. I wonder how long it is going to be before Alex's Mom has to find real, reliable daycare. I wish I could do it for her, but really I feel better about just being a back up. Especially since this morning I was putting my pants on and when I lifted my right leg something happened with the dull ache I normally feel in my inner thighs that connect to my torso (aka crotch pain) that I couldn't walk for a good 15 minutes! It was awful! I also had to host the play group today ... thank goodness one other person showed up to make it worth the effort of hauling two cranky kids out and about, while barely being able to walk. I was glad when she picked her up so that I could take Morella to the park.

She liked the rocks, liked the slide, didn't care for the swing but LOVED running around the wide open space. She had so much fun. Came home and had fried fish, green beans and baked potato for dinner with sherbet for dessert. She screamed for her 3 minute bath in which Tim scrubbed her down --- I never thought she would be back into a bath hating phase again. :( And then was so irritable and tired that Tim put her to bed a 1/2 an hour early with no stories. She also went to bed yesterday at 7:00 after playing in park for an hour. Is being outside for an hour a day really sapping her energy that much?

I got a bunch of ho chunk language instruction stuff in the mail today complete with Cd and everything! Cool. I also got a printed article from an old acquaintance, and a thank you card so it was it sort of a mail bonanza.

Cute things Morella did today: feed the baby her bottle, gave the baby her pacifier, rocked her car seat when she was crying, hugged her several times and put her head on the babies chest with a huge contented smile, patted her head, pushed me on the on the swing, put green beans in her hair, played for 30 minutes taking wet wipes in and out of a bucket, got mad when the baby used her crib (all teary eyed and whiny), told me several important "drywler drywler" stories, and hung off the baby gate at the coffee house looking out at the customers like an imprisoned baby. Oh man do I love love love this bucket of kid.


Tim is working really late so that means I am up really late too. I made a cake tonight after doing the dishes and drying diapers. I had it while it was warm with some ice cream...oh so good.

IT's a .... I don't fucking know.

I'm disappointed and am really feeling it. I guess I didn't realize just how excited I was to find out, I can't believe this happened to us, and I can't stand not knowing. A few things bothered me about it...

1. The ultrasound technician wasn't the best we have ever had.
2. She said "The baby's legs are crossed tightly at the knees and you can't see between then. You can't get any more closed than that." And proceeded to show us several times just how closed they were.
3. Then she goes onto to say "But if I had to guess I would say it's a girl, because there is the absence of anything showing." And then she writes it in later as "female" for the sex.
4. No matter what I tried the baby would not uncross their legs.
5. The baby was laying on it's back so she didn't get enough "something something spinal measurements" which means that there might be a chance that I would go back.
6. Only the doctor who dictates those results knows whether that will happen and will presumably tell my doctor. So far it's been a "We'll call you if you need to know something" sort of operation. Don't they understand I want to know EVERYTHING!?
7. So there. I might get another shot at finding out. I might not.
8. I guess I can call my doctor or email her to follow up and ask about it.
9. I wonder if there is a place that does 3-D images around town that I can go to.
10. It's not that I am disappointed that it might be a girl, it's that I am disappointed that we don't know for sure. You know?

I need to shake it, and tomorrow I will probably feel just fine. I mean, it seemed like everything else was going okay - baby is growing on target.

Thanks to Emily for this photo -- I love it. It's my current favorite. :D This is Morella last week at her son's 1st birthday party.

Today I baby sat Alex again. I took them both to Baby Book and Tim installed the infant car seat so I could do it. I guess it was a little taste of what is to come. I'm glad to say that I managed to do it and survived. It wasn't even a huge ordeal. I just introduced her as Morella's cousin, because I feel like in indian way there is probably some way they are related. Ha ha.

My friend Lowen came over a little bit later to visit while I enjoyed a dual nap from Morella and Alex. :D We sat in the office on the futon and chatted until Alex woke up and we had rhubarb/mixed berry pie that I made yesterday.

Sunday we cleaned up the house. Went to Target and got Morella a booster high chair type seat that we can put on a chair. We haven't used it yet. So far Morella is just sitting on it while it waits in the hallway. Tim's parents came to visit yesterday afternoon and stayed for dinner. I made a chicken "snatchatore" recipe I got from Amy Sedaris's I Like You book that I got from Hilary. It was okay, very old person kind of dish.

Did you know most old people call black olives "ripe olives?" Weird huh?

Anyway. Saturday we went to a bike expo and gave away $5 for the honor of going to a lame event. I signed up for giveaways at the four booths they had, and then we left. We stopped at the canoecopia and walked away moments later after finding out the entrance fee was $10 dollars. Um. I think they should be paying US to go and look at kayaks and canoes in this economy. Can a get a hell yeah?

So we got into the car, disappointed and started driving. We made to Greenway Cross Station and visited Orvis, which is kind of like an outdoor sports place for old people so that Morella could visit the stuffed dog section. They are life sized stuffed doggies (fake) that Morella just LOVES. She could have stayed there all day. We dragged a tearful little girl away to wander the aisles of World Market before heading over to Hubbard's Diner to put our name on the list, wait for five minutes and then decided to go home with the premise of "finding something on the drive home." You know that never happens, you end up home.

Can you tell the TV is on while I am posting this? It's all over the place.

Tomorrow is the big day! Get in your guess now so that you have the highest chance of winning come August or you know, at the very least to make it more fun. ;) That reminds me, that they called me on Saturday? Something like that asking me to call and confirm the appointment. What bullcrap is that? Of course I forgot to do that today because I was busy, and it's stupid to confirm an appointment that I made -- all they should be doing is reminding me of it. Sheesh. Confirm. PFT! I'll be sure to sound a little pissy about it ... okay... maybe just a snide comment? Sigh. Fine. Perhaps I'll phrase something to the effect about how "inefficient" it is.

My crochet rag rug is really coming along.

I've been taking Morella out every day and she loves it.

I have to host the play group for the East Side Mom's club on Wednesday and I have no idea what to do. Sigh. :( I wish I had a finished basement so I could just say to host it here. I could do it here but I'm sure there are oodles of people allergic to cats or dogs. Think...think.....Oh the pressure is too much!

Friday Photo: In the backyard - first time as a walker! She was non stop talking the entire time we were out there this evening, which was great because she was so crabby before that. I gave her a bath and she howled about it, but as soon as she was out she was back to yakky yakky yakky. OH the funniest thing, I heard her making noise in the room and went to check -- she has put the cat dish on top of the dresser where we keep the cat food because she was going to feed them! She was 20 minutes early, but it's so cool that she knew it was about the right time.

I finally made the brownies and they are a total disappointment. Way too labor intensive and really not that great. I told Tim to take them to work with him tomorrow. Actually, we are going to drop them off after or before we grocery shop after breakfast and after Tim leaves on his bike. Something like that. Anyway. Above is a photo of my newest Beater Licker. It's a good thing we are going to have only two because then there is a beater for each of em. She did a really good job too -- taking care of both of them. Oh it was just too cute. I felt like it was one of those passing the torch moments. :D

The doctors appointment happened. It turned out that just as the nurse was finishing taking my vitals the doctor popped in and said she had to be called away. My appointment was finished with the other OB at the office. Since it's just 20 week one nothing really needed to be done other than making sure we were all doing okay. And I am. Well, I'm ashamed to admit it. I broke my policy of don't ask don't tell. I got a little cocky not having gained any weight, but I had a feeling this time was going to be different. I've been hungry. First, taking your shoes off does make a difference -- my shoes weighed 1.5 pounds! Second, I gained 5 pounds since last month. That's only two up from the very beginning -- but still it's started. Gah. Five pounds. It seems like so much for one stupid month, but I guess it only seems like that because I had barely gaining anything. I guess it was the same with Morella. I didn't gain the weight until the second half of the pregnancy and boy howdy --- I caught up. :P I'm not talking 60 or 75 pounds, but you know the 40-50 range. I am not sure because my doctor told me to quit paying attention. Ha ha. Good doctor.

I need to go back to that. I'll stress myself out too much. I'll violate the good advice I give to other women who are worried about gaining too much too fast. Besides, sure I have had an extra dessert or two -- it happens. It also happens when I am not pregnant. I don't feel like my diet has changed that dramatically...well I am eating a lot less meat. It has to be prepared just right. I haven't been making too many casseroles either. That is so unlike me! I think there is an element of exercise too, I need more of it but that will happen when it's warmer.

Wait a second there. See that? Last time I DID exercise. I was in awesome shape. I watched what I ate and still I gained a bunch of weight. In the end, what really matters is that I lost it all. It did go away, and I was going to be even better than ever when I started going to the YMCA, except that chance didn't come to me yet. Crouton did instead, and that's much better. The Y will always be there.

Croutons heartrate was 155 ish. Uh oh. That might compromise the fast/slow heartrate for boy/girl theory. Hey speaking of which, it's time for guess the gender (and due date, and all the rest of that jazz if you are so inclined.)



There you go! Click away! You know what's interesting, the last time Lauruska won according to the statistics. I should send you something to commerate your winning. I intended to do that last time, but hey I still can. I can also do the same for Crouton. Like really package it up, complete with postage and return address and all that so all I need to do is add the winner's address. Oh yeah, and the big ultrasound is set for 4:00 on St. Paddy's day which is next Tuesday.

In sum. No more worrying about weight! Go away evil thoughts. You don't do anyone anyone good.

The hungering has started. I just ate a bowl of oatmeal and added raisins. I mean, oatmeal? It's what I had though...we need to go shopping but I just can't seem to get myself to change pants yet. I MIGHT have a doctors appointment this afternoon, but I have to call before I am to leave to make sure the doctor is still there and not out delivering a baby. Sigh.

So. Go shopping now with Morella and come back, and then dink around for an hour or so before calling and maybe going. Or stay home and dink around with Morella until it's maybe time to go and then ... I don't know.

See the thing is, for the last three days (including today), I have found her crying most piteously in her room, picking at her crib. Through trial and error, I have discovered that when she is doing that she wants to be in there, even though she will cry for about a minute afterwards sometimes. I think the key is, that she wants to be in there, without me in the room and the door shut. I can't help but to feel a little put out by that, but hey if she wants alone time then I guess she gets it.

She hasn't been feeling well this past week, and yesterday afternoon showed signs of real sick. She had a temperature of 101.4 by afternoon and Tim stayed home sick too. She hasn't been eating a whole lot and in fact wouldn't eat her spaghetti for lunch today. She kept spitting it out. In desperation to get some calories into her, I let her eat slabs of cream cheese, apricots (canned) and blackberries. I did manage a few bites of northern beans before she started to spit those out too.

Today when I found her crying in her room pulling at her crib blanket, I put her in, shut the door and took a shower. It's been a couple days and you know I think it's a rule that you have to take a shower whenever you go to the doctor regardless if they really check you over or not. Freshly scrubbed, I emerged from the bathroom to sweet melodies being sung from her room. About ten minutes after that she was silent. She had gone to sleep. I finished what I was doing on the net and quickly went to the couch to try and catch some zzzz's too, even though it was pretty early and I wasn't sure I could sleep. I figure at this stage in the game, I should be resting as much as I can, whether or not I am sleeping. An hour later when she woke up, I let her talk for about five minutes before going in there to get her. She was laying on her back and didn't seem anxious to leave. However, she looked a ton better. I sat beside her in a chair until she was ready to get up.

So I didn't make the brownies yet. I have been hankering to make this recipe from a magazine for almost two weeks now. I have the heavy cream -- which is now four days past the sell by date and needs to be used ASAP. That should be motivation enough to get into the kitchen and cooking. It's not even that often that I actually *have* heavy cream around the house. It's not something I like to use a lot of because of the lactose intolerance thing ... but when it's cooked that seems to help it.

Yesterday I took Morella out of the house on an impromptu play date with one of the Mom's from the East Mom's Club. I suggested we go to Borders and let the kids roam around. You can get a drink and let them walk and explore, and it's not that busy on a Wednesday morning and it's quiet and carpeted and just perfect. It so happens that while we were there a bunch of other moms and kids started showing up in the kids section. At first I thought, "Wow, I guess this isn't such an original idea after all." And then there was an announcement that it was Story time. Yikes!

The other woman's two year was not at all interested in the boring cadence of the employee recruited to read books. Neither was Morella, but thankfully she was happy to roam around and look at everyone clutching a small, brown realistic looking stuffed dog she had found. A doggie, that I bought for her because she liked it so much and I hardly ever spend tons of money on her...that is until after I paid and realized that stupid dog was $15!!! My god. It's a webkinz dog, so I think there is some kind of web access that comes along with it and that is why it was so effin' expensive. Never again! Especially for stuffed animals.

I also got Tim a big book of stickers that has lots of realistic stickers in it so that he can make cool hocak flash cards, and myself I got a teeny set of colored pencils. I was hoping it would have had a teeny pencil sharpener in there, but alas it did not. Yes, I have tons of colored pencils, but not in that much variety of color and so teeny and transportable! Oh it was for fun. My last fun purchase was the stamp set last month so it's okay.

So that was my big outing. I came home, Tim got up eventually we tried to feed Morella lunch she wouldn't' eat but instead napped for two hours. Afterward she ate a bit or two more and ... yeah. Sigh.

So back to today....it's only 12.33 and yet it feels like 2 in the afternoon. I'm tired and unmotivated, and still hungry and it's my single parenting day and Morella's nose is back to running...and there are diapers in the dryer that need to come up...and now she is eating crayon -- oh geez.

I better get off this and fish it out. If only crayons has calories.

Geez. It's one of those day. An extension of yesterday I guess. Yesterday afternoon Morella was just a little bear. Not happy about anything. I felt like I was putting out one meltdown fire after another. I tried everything, invented new things and just overall tried to make it through until bedtime.

As a result there are toys scattered everywhere, oatmeal bits all over the rugs and floor, I am still in my jammies and not wearing a bra (something that will be addressed shortly, as I feel so...incomplete without it and I'm really hungry and completely underwhelmed by the options presented to me in my own house.

--30 min later --

Meltdown over diaper changing.
Meltdown over getting of the changing bed.
Meltdown because I wouldn't let her take the box of jewelry off the bed.

I'll keep you posted. Time to try lunch right now.

It's probably horomones, but I just finished watching the Curious Case of Benjamin Button and .... well I am still feeling shakey and very emotional. I haven't cried this hard for a work of fiction since the Time Traveller's Wife. The last movie that really got to me was the Notebook and/or The Whale Rider but they feel like only 1/2 of the scale of how I feel now.

It's raining now. My eyes are so red they could be bloodshot. I kind of just want to cry myself to sleep. Tim is going to think this is so ridiculous, but maybe I need a hug.

Alright folks, I have spent a crapload of time on this today, and used up good movie and video game playing time in order to get these ducks in a row and all caught up! Whew! Working on five albums worth of photos really makes your butt go to sleep. But I am done now. I am caught up. Hurray! There are TONS of pictures for you to look at in the gallery...as always, there are links to your left, but here they are for easy viewing/clicking.

March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
November 2008
October 2008

Now here are a few pictures from the this weekend and last weekend.

Tim and his neice Moslee are both very, very sad. We are at Kandace's Baby shower in Milwaukee.
Chuck and Kathleen (couple on lower left) had a little extra time for lunch today before their flight back home to LA. We all went out and met them at the Majaraja for some indian buffett. I like that place because it was the first resturant we took Morella out too. Kathleen is due only two and half weeks from me! Exciting! Oh and I choose this photo, even though it's blurry because it's the better picture and you can also tell that Morella has completely melted down. It's a classic case of "one of these doesn't belong."

Morella wearing a blue party dress that her Gaga made for her this past holiday season. It's so princess-y and fanciful, that well, I'm just gonna have her wear it as much as I can. Going to a birthday party, though, is the perfect event for dressing up -- if not now then when can she wear it?

I love the expression on her face as she addresses that stuffed lion.

The previous weekend, Ruth and Morella enjoyed some snacks while Ruth's parents visited with Tim and I. It was a really nice, relaxed visit and the perfect excuse for me to go out and buy that Easy Grip so I could clean up around the house. I am glad to say that the house is still kept pretty clean.

Okay. So this was the week 18 photo. I hated it. I was going to wear the same shirt all the way through, but I look TERRIBLE! Look at me. I mean, it's like I look 20 times dumpier than I really am (or at least how I think I look). I guess it also looks like I am neary done...when in fact, we have 1/2 way to go!



So, I decided to redo it today. Here I am at 19w 1d -- and MUCH happier about the resulting photo. See, now you can actually SEE the bump instead of how big my shirts are. I think I am much more comfortable going back to posting bare belly pictures because now it's quite obvious that the belly is baby belly as opposed to increased belly chub. My goodness though, it's just so crazy to see how much bigger it is now than it was with Morella at this stage in the game. Here is a photo for comparison:

18w4d in 2007 with Morella

Okay. I finished Un Lun Dun, and need to look around in my journal for that other book recommendation someone so nicely offered. I might have to order it though and wait for it come in via library. In the meantime, Morella has baby book time. I have a mini goal of 25 before Crouton arrives.

Geez, I have a lot of energy for this time of the night. I am clearly not yet accustomed to the time change (ha ha). I think I'm going to go and lay down and give my legs and butt a break and some magazines. It's been dark and rainy all day so it's the kind of thing that seems proper to do.

We went shopping this morning for a birthday gift for Morella's little friend Leo, whose party is this afternoon. It's raining and gray, and right now she is taking a nap. I need to make a birthday card, I thought about making brownies...but another part of me feels tired and like I should *try* to take a nap. I haven't been very successful lately with afternoon naps with is terrible because by 5 or 6 I feel so drained and exhausted. Sigh.

Okay. I'll compromise. I'll lay down and try to sleep for 15. If that doesn't do it, then I'll make the brownies so I can bring them to the party. And then work on the card. I might do a very simple one. I should also check the mail.

Last night I was out late with my friend Ann (Noah's Mom) at the Overture center to see celtic violinist Ilene Ivers. Afterward we had a snacky sausage dinner at The Old Fashioned and got to know each other a little more. She's from a goat farming family! How unique is that?

I also got the car detailed cleaned and washed because ... we own it! Our last payment was this month, hurray! While I waited I took Morella over to Avenue Bar and we had a snack. The old men there just fawned all over her ... no it wasn't creepy. Wow our car is clean...those Octopus carwash people did a really good job. I'm so impressed.

Yes yes, I have pictures. One of which is a belly shot from last week. But hey, now you only have three weeks to wait for the next one. Later though...

What is most amazing about this belly, is that it's so low. It's like a round ball whereas last time Morella was definitely much higher and tucked more into my abdomen. Is it because it's a boy? Or is it because everything is stretched out? Hm. Only time will tell. I might be getting a wee bit excited to find out. My "everything is going to be okay" visualization is imagining in a year or two me hugging both Morella and Crouton together. One big armful of kids. :D

It was super nice today. I left the front door open for awhile so Morella could look outside and open and close the door. We went to the Sun Prairie library and met up with two other Mom's and babies and had a good time. It's so relaxing there, except for when Morella ranges out far and wide. Sheesh. I got her four more books to read and she seemed to tolerate them well tonight for bedtime. A time, that I moved up 15 minutes. I think it's the closest I can get to compromising for daylight savings time this weekend. Just think -- more sunlight! It will be easier to be motivated to go for walks when Tim gets home.

I really hate the jets that just have to fly by between 12 and 1. Seriously. Does it have to be over Madison? Can't it be over ... like say Bellville? Boyceville? Lake Winnebago? Someplace where not as many people (especially me) would be annoyed with it? I've always hated the noise, it's absolutely deafening and I swear I can hear the pilots thoughts "Ha ha, look how awesome I am!" which further fuels my anger.

We got the prints of the pictures I posted the other day of Morella at the wedding! How thoughtful was that? The window picture was the one Tim picked to put in the really cool bug frame we got at Morella...er ... Morella got for her birthday. ;) It had to be just the right picture.

I made grilled cheese and we had a can of progresso or something's lentil soup which sucks. I added salt and pepper and that didn't do much to help it. Morella and I also had green jello and girl scout cookies. Tim brought home a box of caramel delights. I love those things. I could eat the whole box. I rarely say that about any cookie, but I mean it about this. Morella likes the peanut butter patty cookies. I am going to save the rest for her. They are so fatty! Awesome! I love finding sweets that she likes to eat. I know, I'll probably regret that statement in the future when she is demanding cookies for breakfast. However, she hasn't been eating much these past two days on account of some teething so I'll indulge her. I find it hard to say no to any kind of food when it comes to her especially after I learned she really is off the charts in term of weight. Sigh. At least her cousin was too. It's genetic.

I'm also getting a little tired of the shocked "She's such a PEANUT!" comments. Every day that she is out in public for the last couple of weeks, someone has exclaimed some variant of this statement. I usually just nod and agree, and say 'yeah, she's slight' or 'but she's healthy.' A teeny part of me kind of wishes I had some witty comeback though. Not that I would ever say it, but it might be nice to think in my head.

• I'm run down. Tim even commented that I looked like crap.
• Morella only took a 1.5 hour nap again today, meaning I only got like 10 minutes. The nap, I believe was shortened because of: Migo howling in the hallway outside her door, National Guard Jets roaring above us, neighborhood asshole vacuuming his car and the blasted bird clock tweeting the loudest, and longest call - the 1:00 which is the robin. :P
• I think Morella is teething. She is gnawing on a lot of stuff. Not napping well. Not eating great. Short tempered.
• We visited Hilary this morning and had a snack and Cullen and Morella played well.
• I made eggplant parmesean for dinner tonight and it was pretty good.
• Tim got me a twix from the grocery story because he had to go and pick up more soy milk.
• I baby sat an 11 week old yesterday and felt like I got a glimpse into how August was going to be -- I got cold feet. Tim is trying to pep me up and saying it won't be that bad. Hilary said I wouldn't pregnant and be feeling like I have lot more energy. I hope so.
• Still feel pretty crummy.
• Emily visited this afternoon and Leo kept Morella busy while I made dinner. Mostly it was her just following him around watching at what he was doing and trying to engage him, while Emily drilled me on the finer points of following a recipe.
• Morella was cute as a button today and really cuddlely and giggly this evening when Tim came home. We got some full on belly laughs out of her -- uncommon.
• I am up too late and can barely keep my eyes open. I'm really tired.
• Tomorrow is supposed to be super nice. We plan on going to the Sun Prairie Library to return stuff. But I was also thinking a walk. Though I'll probably have to bring the stupid dog. :( Whenever I do that he poops and I *hate* picking up dog poop. Plus, pushing a baby and walking a big stupid dog who wants to sniff everything is tiring me out just thinking about it. Still, he deserves a nice day walk. I guess it will have to a short one.
• I finally really like my hair cut.
• Reading Un Lun Dun by China Mieville...it's okay so far.
• I don't think I even did half the things I wanted to do today. Sigh. I did do the dishes though. That's something. I would have done more except lots of socializing happened. Watch, now we are going to get sick. I swear I should just live in a bubble.

Hurray for March! WOOO! It's means spring is just right around the corner right? Only 15 more days until we find out if Crouton is a boy or a girl. Man, it was another busy weekend. I have lots of pictures. It's like picture overload. I really need to to just sit down one day and upload them onto gallery. Just like I need to, at the very least, update my own bio.

Hm.

Today I:

• Went to Baby Book time with Morella. She wore an adorable blue overall jumper her Gaga made for her. I had adjusted the buttons so that it would fit her, but it's still a little big. I think I'll wait a while longer before having her try this outfit again.
• She was super tired - probably from getting up so darn early and going to bed really late. After a bunch of eye rubbing, big yawns and general crankiness I brought her home and put her to bed. She sleep for 3.5 hours! I took about a 3 hour nap with her. I was so tired too from lack of naps over the weekend. Taking a nap in the car just isn't the same!
• Made a vague thai squash soup and pop overs (first time) for dinner. Morella didn't like it. I don't know what her deal is. She doesn't seem to like squash at all, but Tim also thinks maybe she doesn't like any garlic either. Sigh. I guess it's time to experiment...or should I power through this and MAKE her like them?
• I brought some of the soup, popovers and girl scout cookies to Stephanie's and visited a while. Boy her boy sure can fart! Morella could never toot like that five week old.
• Spent a lot of time on the internet this evening not doing much but looking around, catching up and now writing this. I could have been reading or playing Dynasty Warriors 6 with Tim (who is currently playing Mass Effect).

This weekend

• Baby shower in Milwaukee for SIL Kandace and BIL Phil -- who are due sometimes in April and have not yet been to see a doctor once. I can't tell you how many times they have been told about Badgercare, given applications, phone numbers, offers to help them set it up and still they resist. It's freaking ridiculous! That baby needs some effin' prenatal care! I know, I know, babies for thousands upon thousands of years made it just fine without prenatal care, however -- mortality rates were also quite high. Let's not forget that shall we?
• Anyway. The baby shower was okay, except for the part where four woman chain smoked right next to the baby gifts and major pregnant lady opening them the entire time. The rest of us with small kids kept as far away from them as possible. And you know the kicker? The chain smokers were there for the baby shower! My goodness!
• Our friends Sarah, Dave and Ruth visited us on Saturday. It was a really pleasant visit and such a nice incentive to clean the house. I went out and bought a "easy reach gripper" just before they arrived because I am tired of bending over so much to clean up. I need all the help I can get! And I can't tell you how many times I wished I had one when Morella was little. I never got it because it seemed like such a luxury. Well, I want that luxury now! And it's SOOOooooo worth it.
• Drove to Janesville to attend an impromptu grade school reunion for Tim. We had dinner the fellowship hall at St. John's Lutheran something or other and it was good. The chicken soup was way too salty. Morella wandered around quite freely while it was in a lull and had a great time charming everyone. She's really attracted to teenagers and other kids, and older people...and...well I guess anyone that will return her smiles. Two of Tim's old classmates showed up.
• I went grocery shopping on Sunday. It was a mad house per usual.
• Watched Tropic Thunder and thought it was okay.
• Read From Here to Maternity - making my book total so far this year - 5. Not too shabby! I picked up a new China Mieville book at the library today. Looking forward to starting that. I would be happy if I could read at least 25 books in the year. I read a crapton of magazines...that should count as something, but alas it never does.

Man. I have a case of the munchies right now. We have all been NOT sick for the past week and and half and it's been....just ... so.....great. Morella is such a wonderful person to hang out with when she isn't sick. I have only had to deal with two headaches. Maybe two and half...but it seems better. I felt really bad about finishing a whole bottle of tylenol in the span of about a month. I hope they start going away.

I can feel Crouton kicking up a storm! I'm looking forward to when I can actually feel the kicks from the outside. So far I haven't needed my full body pillow. I am sort of hoping that I can hold off on that until it's warm and we don't need two comforters to keep us warm. I just can't imagine dealing with that under two blankets. Ugh. I have been starting to get the beginning of leg cramps...I should probably eat more bananas and get Tim to massage calves every night. He said he only has the endurance to do it for two minutes, that his hands weren't made for manual labor but for art. :P

I wish I had a plate of french toast in front of me right now, drenched with butter and swimming in maple syrup. I think it's safe to say that my appetite is starting to return. Gah, it's going to make up for the first 1/2 of the pregnancy with a vengeance, isn't it? I was the same with Morella. I did all the gaining after week 17 -- all forty something pounds of it. Hm. Just gotta remember, it will eventually go away. After all, we are relatively active people, and eat fairly balanced stuff for the most part. I mean, I was back to what I was before Morella at 11 months and that was without me even trying!

But seriously, that french toast would be just perfect.